Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Just some journaling before I go to IC and L today.

I am finding detachment very hard. Have been thinking about W all day, but in a different way than in the past, which I think is a good thing. She is so distant and doing really bizarre stuff. As I was getting my stuff ready for L, I was going through financial papers and noticed W took out some of invetment papers - it is money left from her dad in her name, probably hers anyway, but at one point very early on, she said "Trust me, I will not screw you with the finances..." I am beginning to wonder. The good news, I guess, is that we have all of our investments with one broker and if needed, I can always get court papers for transactions. Makes me a bit nervous, but as you all keep telling me, this is NOT the same woman and she is in a total fog. I hope the fog will lift.

My head is getting wrapped around the time and patience issue - just wish my stomach would stop turning knots - but I guess those are my ab crunches. I know today will be stressful for me with IC and L - so may go to my golf lesson or just hit a bucket of little white balls.

I keep losing weight, down another pound - so that means 38 lbs - but feel pretty good considering the mental state. I have friends that call me for lunch because they see the hollowness in my face and my pants barely hanging with a belt! Need to get everything tailored once I level off!

Wish me luck tonight and then GAL tonight. May also hit the gym after golf balls - W has her IC today as well. Will then enjoy dinner with kids later...