God believes I'm worth it...

[Committed2Him]

He may intentionally or unintentionally screw around with the finances and then you are stressed there is more tension between you two and the kids suffer.

You can't squeese blood from a turnip. Pull in a few wise counselors through the elder and some reliable, godly ladies.

You may not like this but better to rent something afordable, cut financial ties to him and start healing and living a reduced stress life ASAP. No one knows what is going to happen to the Real Estate market but I am not real optimistic about our future economic health. (disclaimer I am not an economic advisor. You know I have to toss in my disclaimers ).

A number of proverbs speak to "godly contentment with little" versus having much with strife. Although scraping by to keep "owning" a home may not seem like "having much" a number of us can see the writing on the wall and are lovingly sharing that you should really get some good counsel to look at your options objectively, very objectively. (((cat)))

[Committed2Him]

OT may sound like he is taking a hard line but it is very solid advice. I use to have access to my X's house, NEVER did anything in appropriate but it just caused friction. I pay her on time do everything I should but sill it became a problem. (now I drop them off and leave)

Trying to be "reasonable" with an unreasonable person (unreasonable starts with chucking a marriage for an OW) NEVER works.

Remember, we are pulling for you, your health, your long term best interest.

Praying harder and harder for wisdom and God to do a work here.

[BigHands]

Cat, let me tell you a bit of my own story:

When my ex did her thing, we were a year away from finally seriously looking at buying a house, finally. Instead, because of the tailspin the situation put finances in, I lost the 3 bed house we rented in a great neighborhood, I lost two brand new cars, and I now live with my daughter in a one bedroom apartment, where my living room has a bed for me instead of a couch. We have no cable TV or internet. It's very basic. It's a lifestyle I once thought I'd never be able to "suffer" through.

I'd like to go back to that guy and kick him in the a$$. Not because I want my ex back, but because I wouldn't have freaked nearly as much if I'd truly understood how little I needed. My daughter and I spend a lot of time reading, playing guitar, cooking, or watching movies together.

I miss the Discovery Channel, but . . . she could only stand so much Deadliest Catch.

[cat03]

thanks so much everyone!! seeing all the options I am not thinking of is really really helping me think of the best options.

Just got off the phone with the loan lady. She brought to my attention that sooner or later I will have to refinance to get his name of the house, that legally he'd still have claims over it if I dont' take his name off the title. She suggested a refinance with cash out. She is doing numbers now and will email me the results in 1hr.

If this is the best way I pray pray I get a good rate and an amount I can afford. I told her I'd like to get 17k out as we had talked with stbx before and he rather have less $ now than more in the future. Countless of times he's told me how he'd be out of my hair/house if he get his$$, he'd have his own place and wouldnt have to come to the house to watch kids, he'd take them with him.
If the payment is low enough I should be able to afford it, and instead of paying stbx 230$ every month I'd pay the bank (the SA states that I pay him that much towards my debt, I can afford that much.)

In the horrible case he looses his job I'd cash my 401k and my family already told me they would loan me $$ if I needed it and pay the bank. This grief is not worth it, being tied to him legally for 5yrs isnt' worth it.

Why the heck did he just thought about me paying him all if I get married when were were all but done is beyond me. But perhaps is for the best, that way when I owe him nothing he doesnt have to come to my house for any reasons and I would have no ties to him.

[cat03]

thanks for giving me an insight about where you are coming from BH, it's amazing what heck each of us goes through in this life when we get screwed because of other people's bad choices. I'm glad every day to know that this life isnt' it, otherwise, wow Betty

Feeling calmer now, I'm still not picking up, I think I'll go charge my cell on my car and talk to his mom for a bit, bet he's spewing venom all over, she is against every desicion he's made... and still his only other family member he can talk to, his sister barely talks to him. I want her to know where I'm coming from and perhaps to tell her that if he calls her to let him know that I'm not ready to talk to him anytime soon.

[BigHands]

The thing I forgot to include in there, Cat, is, I really don't miss any of that stuff. I'm slowly, very slowly, pulling myself up, but my daughter and I are pretty happy.

Much more so than we were when we had all that stuff.

[fig]

you don't need to let her know where you are coming from

unless you are connected to her seperately than through him.

BH
nice example

When I left the 1st ex...i left with what I could fit in a minivan

2 babies and I was never happier than I was that 1st night in my own apartment sitting on air mattresses watching a tiny black and white tv

[fig]

you don't need to let her know where you are coming from

unless you are connected to her seperately than through him.

BH
nice example

When I left the 1st ex...i left with what I could fit in a minivan

2 babies and I was never happier than I was that 1st night in my own apartment sitting on air mattresses watching a tiny black and white tv

[BigHands]

Jeeeeeez.

:-^

[cat03]

You'll never guess

After a barrage of calls which I never picked up he actually sends me a text (which I only read cause my puter gives me preview like it or not on my desktop which reads):

i agree with all the terms... i don't like the part i'm arguing about... but it wasn't in the orginal draft... & i want this over with....

HA, I bet I put the fear on God in him when I wasn't picking up. Whenever we've had an argument, if he called later, I've always picked up and then we were able to resolve our dissagreements, he knew he could count on that, that I'd be reasonable enough to pick up his call. He prob thinks I called my L or something, lol.

But... now, after all that you guys have shared, I dont' want him doing his childcare in my home, I dont want him coming in and out freely from MY house, if I ever remarried I want his crap out of my home asap.

I'm still waiting for the loan quote.