H4H, I met OM online as well. The fact she stayed is good, she doesn't really want to leave you. When she said she'd work on things, did you guys go to a counselor together? A pro-marriage counselor?

Telling her you wouldn't give up on her is good. She's feeling that she loves OM more than you and feels bad that she is hurting you, but she thinks she would hurt you more if she stayed with you and didn't love you. Problem is, she doesn't realize what control the OM love has over her real emotions.....I hope she realizes before she loses everything.

It's good she sees the changes. SHe won't be able to use that excuse then. She will have to really think about the choice she is making. Seeing the family counselor will help her see this too.

If she won't leave without the kids then she may see that she has no choice but to try with you. That's how I started thinking. I DID NOT Want to be a part time mom. The guilt must be there....although she is hearing from others how kids are resiliant and they bounce back and that many kids have dealt with being in divorced families and turned out fine, blah blah....I never bought into that. I didn't want to do that to my child unless there was no choice.

The whole scene at home just illustrates that she knows what she is doing to her family. She KNOWS. This is good.

Yes, meet with attorney. You need to. You don't know what she may do. If OM is influencing her, she is bound to do anything. Remember, she is not herself.

DO NOT expose her. I know many will disagree. It will kill any chance you have EVER. Plus, it will screw with the kids heads if they find out. No kid should have to deal with the fact that their mom is doing this. They are kids. Let them not deal with this. THey have enough to understand and deal with. If you start telling others, they could find out. This is an adult problem between you and her, keep it that way. My two cents. Someone said "maybe a pastor". That may be ok because he could talk to her. Maybe you could suggest that you go talk together with one...not yours...maybe another one....so that you could discuss how this is affecting your kids...


Hang in there,.....I am hoping you guys make it.....you and her and your kids will be so happy.