Rather than looking to phsyiological causes of his unwillingness to perform sexually, it seems more likely he is tortured by guilt, maybe unacknowledged guilt, or other strong emotions. Maybe regret, sorrow, confusion. As they say, the most important sex organ is the brain. If I were in his shoes I'm sure I would feel odd.
but of course I still think Patti is the best judge here. (Sorry, Patti, I am not sure of the spelling of your name)
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Have you broached the subject with him? Talked about all those wonderful pills where you call the doctor if there is an erection that lasts for 4 or more hours...
Call the doctor? Hell man call Guiness!!! Call in sick, call room service.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Okay, let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe he does not know how. We all know that guilt affects people in different ways.
What was he like before all of this started--did he have a hard time communicating, getting his point across, showing affection? We don't know.
It seems to me like he needs professional help. Saying it is one thing but getting him to do it would be another matter.
Give the guy some credit for wanting to come home but I am not so sure he knows how to get this behind him and get on with his life, his marriage, etc.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
BND, I GOT A PUPPY...WELL SHES 4YRS AND A LOVE!! SHE CURLS UP IN MY LAP EVERYNITE WATCHING TV. mY GIRLIE-GIRL ROSE
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Patti, my H is much like yours except that he never left physically but did in every other way. I think his ea/pa with ow is done but they will never cut all contact because 1)that would admit it was wrong and 2)there is a business connection that if broken would look very odd to the public. It's my choice to live with that or not. I've had months/years of positive baby steps from H but there is still a mountain to climb. Hard to climb a mountain by baby steps but it can be done. The few times of intimacy has been a 'flop' with my H too. I believe a man with his pride and stubborness would rather be a virgin by abstinance than admit he has a problem. Maybe I am way wrong and H gets all he needs from someone else, or I am such a turn off to him that he has no physical desire or arousal when I make myself available.
If your H was loving and intimate and you were getting sex, would ow in an apartment still be an issue? Just because you would get sex would that mean he is done with ow?
If you're ready to force a change regardless of the outcome then get on your horse and point it in the direction you want to go. Keep your spurs in the sides so you don't lose momentum until you're satisfied with the results you have gotten.
The other option you have is to poke along on the ride and enjoy the good times. You may have to jump some muddy spots, but when you look back it wasn't so bad.
Try and take the focus off what you do not have and build on what is good. Do you have more positives than negatives?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
