Piecing or NOT....III

[MidwesternGirl]

I think a major part of this is that her husband has not been a husband since he has returned (intimate).

I honestly am not sure how many men are like this when they return but this is the part that bugs me.

Maybe, Patti, write down all of your options with pros and cons and see if you come to some decisions.

[a new 2moro]

WELL THATS THE PART THAT BUGS ME...ALL THESE OTHER H'S DONT SEEM TO HAVE THAT PROBLEM, WHEN THEY COME HOME

[saffie]

That's the one thing that makes me think he still sees the OW

[a new 2moro]

ME TOO BUT HE SWEARS UP AND DOWN HE ISNT...HE SAYS WE ARE GONNA MAKE IT. NO HES NOT LEAVING...HE LOVES ME WITH OUT A DOUBT....

[Lissie]

ME TOO BUT HE SWEARS UP AND DOWN HE ISNT...

Hate that.

I hate that they have been so good at lying that you don't know what the heck to believe.

Actions speak louder than words lovey.

Talk is cheap sometimes.

What is he DOING, to make you feel that he is telling you the truth.

HUGS sweetie

[tpaschal]

I think a major part of this is that her husband has not been a husband since he has returned (intimate).

I honestly am not sure how many men are like this when they return but this is the part that bugs me.

WELL THATS THE PART THAT BUGS ME...ALL THESE OTHER H'S DONT SEEM TO HAVE THAT PROBLEM, WHEN THEY COME HOME

That's the one thing that makes me think he still sees the OW

I read all of these comments, and knowing that an2m found out that her H was still seeing the OW (and being intimate with her?) last fall, it is very possible (maybe even very likely) that this is what is happening---he cannot bring himself to be intimate with an2m while he is being intimate with OW. It does seem like a lot of these MLC aliens have very screwed up perceptions about cheating, and who they are cheating ON. They are cheating on their LBS, of course! But they don't always seem to see it that way.


But then I re-read something else Patti said.....

it was good before MLC, but i could tell he was beginning to have problems.....took more oral stimulation...limper. but it still was good. like i said he used to say all those things about me that he said to her. so i wonder too. he says he doesnt see her, hasnt talked to her, ISNT sleeping with her....ive learned to be very direct in my questions. maybe he has an std. he doesnt want to talk about the sex part. all i can get is "im afraid" and "Im not having sex with anyone"
we did try once last fall...it was a flop...literally.

This makes me think there is at least the possibility that he's got some erectile dysfunction problems.

Just putting some thoughts out there that have been floating around in my head ever since I read the quote just above....

Maybe he really isn't having sex with anyone....because he can't. Maybe he can but it is so difficult to achieve intercourse that it embarrasses him, makes him feel less of a man, and that starts a vicious cycle. Maybe that contributed to the problems between him and OW.

And I don't mean the following in a hurtful way, so please don't take offense---maybe that is part of the reason he came home? Maybe he is ashamed at not being able to perform sexually, so he came home where it was "safe?" Patti has been so strong in standing for their M, maybe he thought she would love him unconditionally whether he could perform or not?

IF that's the case, though, then he maybe still hasn't worked through his MLC issues. If E.D. is the problem, he could get help for it. But if he hasn't worked through MLC, then what?

But whether it's E.D. or not being finished with MLC or being a cake-eater, the bottom line is that it seems he's not being completely honest.

[MidwesternGirl]

ANd even if he did have those problems, most men would want to satisfy their partner in some fashion.

Maybe, she could put it to the test. If he says no...well, then...it is time to confront if that is what she wants to do.

I feel badly for Patti. You work so hard at something, get part of it back, but there is that other part that is lacking or non-existent at the moment. It's tough.

[a new 2moro]

I hate that they have been so good at lying that you don't know what the heck to believe

THAT WOULD BE PRECISELY HOW I FEEL

[saffie]

Maybe he has sex with OW as the excitement of that counter acts the erectile disfunction and he is frightened if he goes back to being faithful to his W the problem will re-occur.

That would be my best guess - that and he has proven himself dishonest more than honest so far. I have seen no effort by him to try and show Patti in any meaningful way that he is being above board; all he does is get defensive- that just stinks to me.

[brandnewday]

Well, it has been stated that it takes well over a year to get over the other person.

Yes that is true, but you are missing the most important part...

HE NEEDS TO BY TRYING and he isn't.

Getting over the other person takes a huge amount of effort on the part of the offender, and this means stopping all contact NOW and forever.

Yes, he came home BFD!

WOOPEEE!!!!

And now what?

He lies, he manipulates and strings her along, she should have bought a puppy at least the dog would show his appreciation and love.

I do understand that Patty needs to be patient, but as he is not doing anything to make her life easier, then the whole nonsense of the one year doesn't count, does it.