I know - that hurt thing really sucks. No easy way around it I'm afraid...
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MY FD responded to the 35W bridge collapse. I tried calling her 30+times to tell her I was heading to it. By the time I got hold of here and told her what was going on, she sounded so worried so concerned "please be careful" she said "love you". 20 days later, everything changed.
You have a dangerous job. You do know that you will meet someone someday that will worry about you for the rest of your life. It just isn't going to be this woman.
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Why do we want them more when they turn mean to us?
We do that when we define ourselves by what other people think. We want them to like us - so we are able to like ourselves. That is why it is so important to be able to like yourself before you want someone else to like you.
I do not know your story. I will share mine and perhaps there are some elements in common. I hopped merrily into the R with Erased Man w/in 3 months of my D becoming legal. I was still a member of the walking wounded - at that point felt like crap b/c I defined myself by my failed M. Erased Man - another member of the walking wounded club was also defined by his failed M.
Neither one of us had created a new post D life yet. And well why bother - so lucky we met each other and could pick up where the M's had ended. And neither one of us had heard a kind word from the X's for years. This R was probably the most soothing R I have ever been in.
And then it ended - I was dumped! And well since I hadn't taken the time to rebuild my post D self esteem - I spiraled way down into the depths of "I have been dumped he!!." I actually posted my most rock bottom thread ever after the end of that R. The people on this BB literally carried me for weeks after that. I was use The X being hurtful. But how could someone from the BB do this to me?
But you know what I got over it. And I took the time to work on me. I took the time to rebuild my life. I have people that worry about me.
And as for Erased Man. After I let go - guess who started sending emails every few months for years afterwards. I finally changed my email address and he is finally gone.
And now looking back - he was all wrong. I was just hurting so much that pretty anyone that was willing to play the world's smallest violin at my pity party would have appeared to be my soulmate.
Anyway, I have been where you are today. So have many other people. Hang in there. You will be fine. And after you heal and rebuild your life. After you find some other people you can call when you are on your way to a dangerous situation - you will be ready to join your life with someone else.
I finally changed my email address and he is finally gone.
