It's Starting

[Lissie]

Well.

My kids are going with Javier to Susan's kid communion.

Like one happy family.

I will pick out their nicest clothes, and tell them to have fun, and enjoy themselves. To be respectful in church and to make sure they listen to their dad.

And my heart is about to break, on the inside right now.

Because, those are MY babies
she should not get to see them dressed up, she should not get to see them interact with people, in their beautiful way that they do interact with people.
she should not see them smile, or laugh
b/c she is part of the reason they hurt.

I talked to him about the communion, very calmly actually. He said I know how hard this is for you. I thank you so much that you are not yelling at me Whatever.

He should be thanking me for not kicking his sorry ass into next week

I said please tell the kids before hand. They hate when you surpise them with a visit to her house.

He said to me, I don't even talk to her when we are there. I tell her not to hug them, or hold her hand out to them. They don't even say good bye to her. He said I know they don't like her.

I said well she is part of the reason, their dad is gone. No matter how many times I tell them it is ok to like her.

I said, I am just waiting to hear the engagement news already, and I know that I will probably be the one that has to tell them b/c you know how you are with communication.

He says to me, Um don't hold your breathe, there is none of that in my future. (yeah right)

UGH.

He said to me, I know how much this hurts Lis, I went thru it with my dad.

I said then you were supposed to PROTECT your kids from that pain.

He said nothing.

One more thing to get used to I guess. Blech

UGH, and I have never seen them together either. Can't wait for that day of joy.

I have come a long way tho, Jesus, I can have a conversation with him about her, even tho, I don't say the name Susan. It will be whore forever it seems.

And he NEVER defends her. NIIIIICE

MEN!

Rant off.

Bar is soooooo open.