Sell for peanuts but buy another one for peanuts? Just a thought. This is one of those major pray and fast decisions. Their is wisdom in a mutitude of counselors. You might seek out wise confidential guidance if possible from someone at church. At a minimum, get a group of a few who can pray for you continuously through this ordeal.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I just emailed a person from church who knows all my situation, he is a psychologyst who knew stbx, asked him for the name of a L who is a member of our church, this guy is also an elder and I know he'll be praying for me. Funny you mentioned the prayer group, last Sat. was a 'big girls' sleep over" from people from the woman's ministry and we talked about the power of prayer and how no one should feel alone in the time of crisis, i'm still a little hesitant about emailing themm (we have a email group now) but I should, this battle is the Lord's, always has been.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, BIG caution on who and how, especially with email (because it can be forwarded). (Speaking about the "big girls" group, not the elder).
Intentions may be good but I would recommend relying on a couple of people you have learned to trust.
I have a good core of men I can turn to but we have built this trust by meeting together every week for well over a year (6a.m. every saturday morning).
You have to really want to be accountable to do this and it show us who is serious about building such a relationship. This has been a life saver for me and these guys are the prayer warriors I can count on when I really need it.
(by the way, you can count on my prayers)
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Do you really want to deal with this for 5 years in one way or another by being the landlord of his stuff?
Get a loan. Give him $17,000 now. Separate your financial interests now.
This crap is soooo not worth it. Perhaps you are beginning to get an inkling as to why. He thinks he has a say so in what you do financially based on your personal life in some imagined future years from now. This isn't going to go away.
If you are ever a day late or a dollar short, he is going to make his reaction contingent on how you live your life, what you've spent your money on, and how recently you've had a date. He is going to feel as though he has a right to intrude and judge because you owe him money. He is going to be all over you life tainting it in small toxic ways until this is DONE.
Make it done.
Get a loan, pay him off. Sell the house. Whatever. Separate your financial interests now, get his stuff out of your life now. Not 5 years from now, on either count.
for some strange reason he thought he should have a say on who lives on the house, it came up because briefly he suggested I get a tenant (I myself had played with that idea) Much later on he was told a horror story of an xW who rented a room to a man who ended killing the kids, so that' when he said he should have a say on who rents a room, but we NEVER talked about what would happen if I were married again.
Lord, I may never get married again and he's going crazy for this?
But I see your point OT, that he very much could intrude about any other thing I'm not even thinking of. It is bad enough I have no privacy, he's told me he doubts he'll have a decent place to have the kids in the next 2yrs, meaning, he'll be staying at the house with them during his days, he does take them out but not all the time. I know it is his problem to find a place, but I'm thinking of my kids, where would he take them? there is his mom's but even there she is very picky sometimes and doesn't mind them over but won't be happy with stbx using her home like that.
OT, I really liked the loan idea, but honestly, this man can loose his marbles at any time (his own mom wonders how he hasn't lost this job already) and get kicked out of the dept. which is the only good job he's ever been able to find. No job no CS no way to pay the loan by myself, it will be hard enough surviving without CS let alone pay the sharks at the bank.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Amy, I have dodged a cannon ball by being S from him, I want nothing NOTHING from him with him whatsoever, I just wish I knew he won't loose his job so I can get a loan and get rid of him.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Maybe I am dense but what does him possibly losing his job have to do with you getting a loan? His income should not be being considered in your ability to repay...
