I'm a little buried at work, but I did want to check in on your thread and comment.
- I DO think you should see a lawyer, just for a consultation, and to learn of your options for protecting yourself and to learn what to expect. I would normally NOT tell you to tell your wife about this, and was only suggesting that because you feel so compelled to honor your promises to her. DO know that a family law attorney will operate from a bias towards divorce, as that's their expertise, and that's how they make their livelihood. Simply tell her or him that you're trying to learn more about the process, get some questions answered, and identify some potential threats and protect yourself.
- I DO NOT think you should snoop for the time being, as you seem unable to handle the fallout, and you know what your wife is doing pretty much anyway. Just work on you, and on your plan
- I DO NOT think MC is effective while one of the marital partners is in an active affair. A waste of time and money, and like Sandi said, it's only bringing out things that are taking you off of your gameplan. DETACH.
Sandi, I wanted to add that yours was a beautiful, thoughtful post. I think I've learned a lot more about where you're coming from. You are absolutely right, we have to "let go, and let God" and that is VERY hard to do, especially for men. We are, by nature, "fixers" and problem-solvers, and it's so hard to let go and give our wives to Him. But do it we must.
