Well it has been what seems like forever since my last post. I have been busy... .
Not what you are thinking! ;\) and by the way every time my H plays a video game now with our son I think of your comment SG~ \:\)

Anyway things have been going well and I wish I would have posted more in between,,,,, He is still turning me down at least 75% of the time I initiate and for some resaon I think he is enjoying it. Not in a IM GOING TO PAY YOU BACK kind of way but I think it is more just plain fun for him. I am having fun with it too, cause when he does give in it is fabulous. This morning for instance he was taking a shower...

* and the old him if I didnt get in and then act like a "xxx star"/exagerrating some but you get the point, towards him he would feel unwanted and like I was being rude. Like I dont "want " him.*

.....so I went over by the shower and had my clothes off and said "look honey I am nakey" in a spoiled voice and he looked and said "eeew. leave me alone...." I put my robe on and let him shower .

So in BLACK AND WHITE ON PAPER. This sounds very rude or cold but actually we are having so much fun.
Last nite when we came to bed he had no intentions of ML and I started to kiss him and it snowballed from there....

I have been trying to figure out how this has changed so beautifully and it is hard to poitn to just one thing.... I can feel we have a stronger connection for sure. I can feel he loves me so much and he also goes out of his way to be a good H and Father now also and I honestly at times feel like I am dreaming.
he has done things in the past 4 weeks he had not done before ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All without me "trying" to make him do these things for us!
Dont get me wrong he isnt feeding me grapes in my mouth but this is incredible.
Absolutely incredible, I could never even have dreamed this up!


We did get into a heated discussion about his MOM~ the OW ~ and his sister~ the other day .YUCK~

ME?
It was like for 10 years I had been holding all this "**&&*&&&**%$@#@&" in and then "word vomit" ?!~?
........it all spewed out and at one point I even thought "be quiet ALI" and yet I could not. Crazy as it sounds ......He ACTUALLY LISTENED.


He didnt want to talk to me too much for a day and a half.. but he actually heard me. That was on Saturday nite~
Incredibly the old me would have begged for forgiveness kissed his a%% ...etc...etc...etc....but I did no such thing and it is OK~ wooooooooooooohhhhooooooooo!

Sorry alot of going back and forth but all in all I am finding that I can be sexy with him and he is taking it in and he is controlling when we ML or not.He is like I said seeming to have fun with not giving himself to me and I am enjoying seeing him have fun and accept the gifts I give him.

I also think that now that I have really put my "demons" to rest

* for the most part I am not perfect*

and really give 100% when we are making love.
Really present every moment .
Make him feel desired by me.
Put real stellar quality into it~
......and not thinking about the kids, the housework or the meatloaf I have to make for dinner later. But really being Passionate and making love to him and being in the now that has helped him to feel wanted by me.
And trust ME even as I reread this for spelling errors it seems so simple.

*I.E.Just put 3/4 c of Passion
1c of focus,1/2c of determination.....
... you get the point...... trust me it is not!!!!!!!!!!

It took me for what seems like forever............................. and ever to get here. For some I hope it doesnt take that long but for me there was alot of work to do.

And really still to keep doing to keep this good and keep me feeling sexy and alive and worthwhile. Maybe one day it will come natural... when that day comes I will feel very blessed. but for now I will keep remembering my H needs me to keep this up and he needs to feel me. Not who I think he wants me to be but me.
God bless....