a question that I have before work starts hammering me...how is talking to someone you know any different than talking to a new friend about something about your R...In my sitch, I find that answer to be zero. It sounded as if you knowing this woman really makes you feel differently than if it were someone else you did not know. My W pushed everyone away b/c of her anger. Now, she is not angry at me, so my DB coach says that is a great positive for me. Yet, she is now talking to some woman that I have not met. How is that different? My point is that talking to someone that you know where you do not know all of the conversation yet make decisions based on this unknown is not a good idea. It hurts yes b/c you think that you feel that this person restated everything you told W. But that is not the basis to make changes in YOUR ACTIONS. If she wants to watch the show with you, then do it. It's kind of like spying in a way, did it help you to know she talked to this person you know? Do you feel better? Would you make these decisions if you did not know what you know now? I think not. Also, has anything really changed? If nothing else, it should be thought as a positive because this person reinforced what you already told W.
Quote:
"I need to stop hanging around you. I need to remove my feelings for you and get on with my life."
this sounds like me in the past. meaning, something she does creates a feeling of happiness or hurt. You have to detach in order for her actions to not create a mood change in you. You must not allow these mood changes...you have to create the happiness for yourself. Only in this way will you react with a positive frame of mind. Furthermore, you do not want the "get on with my life" part or you wouldn't be here. What you can do, is create your own space while she may be angry. Like me last night, I didn't respond to a simple text. She asked about it when I saw her 30 minutes later. Which I felt was a positive. Mini-pursuing perhaps. You just don't have to react to everything they do...and the 48 hour rule is very good advice. Wait awhile. You will find that your sentiment or initial pains and confusions will subside in a bit and you can think clearly. Additionally, your kids were there. Did occur to you that she wanted you to find out? Don't react. Be indifferent. Don't react...just continue what you are doing. Like I said about spying...do like you have been doing, as if you did not know...your frame of mind was better before.
sorry if this is jumbled, but work calls and I can't revise now...
