ok guys, I need to vent. I was having a good 2 days. I'm going back to school in August (to be a drug and alchohol counselor -- something I"v e wanted to do for years), I bought my first I pod, and there was no contact with h!!!
I'm finding that when I talk to him I just rage inside. I need help detatching in a big way. I hate him so much right now. what he's doing to me, my d5 asking "when is daddy coming home?" every 2 minutes, the whole thing. HE is LITERALLY someone I don't know. my therapist told me that when men engage in an affair it is quite like a drug addiction -- the "good" feelings are addicting so they begin to act like an addict. that is exactly what I feel like -- like I'm dealing with an addict. my mom was an alcoholic my whole childhood and this is exactly what it feels like.
I know this is going to make him super-mad and is this a db slide?
Who cares? What a jerk. If you started out with a nice request and he refused, I would have done what NikB said, taken care of it myself and not another word to H. So you'll do it next time. He is still a royal jerk.
I'm still in awe of the lock on the thermostat.!!??
Have you looked into any type of therapy for your daughter? She is obviously going through something if she is constantly asking about him. She is probably feeling very insecure. What are your answers when she asks?
Yes, detach. And time. You can't hurry this process. There is a cycle of sadness, anger, peace, detachment. I go through it daily, hourly even. The trick is to not get caught in one phase, keep it flowing.
This guy had a lock on the thermostat before the bomb and Mary is the controlling one???? I agree with Phoenix2....this guy is a real a$$?%$e!
I didn't say she was the controlling one - I said the way she approached him IN THIS CASE was not effective for that reason (the demanding/controlling tone). But, in hearing that she asked nicely up front, I agree - complete and total jerk.
I think the thermostat lock points to a HUGE communication problem. Absolutely, under normal circumstances, someone would NOT do that. If he felt so strongly about the temperature thing they should have sat down and TALKED about it then agreed to some type of compromise and stuck with it. That's how mature adults would handle it.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Mary - congrats on the iPod and on school, that's great!!
Yes, work on detaching.
Have you told your daughter that Daddy doesn't live there? I think that conversation needs to happen at some point if it hasn't already.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
yeah, the thermostat (and that is just one example of his controlling freakishness) made me furious at the time, but of course, I let it go. NO ONE could believe it when they saw it in the house -- it became a kind of joke. I'm seeing him now for what he really is.
Yes, detach. And time. You can't hurry this process. There is a cycle of sadness, anger, peace, detachment. I go through it daily, hourly even. The trick is to not get caught in one phase, keep it flowing.
Nice statement!
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
i"m actually (and I can't believe I'm saying this) not sure I want him back. This situation has forced me to look at many, many red flags of lies over the years (and not innocent little lies, like pot dealers coming to our home that he said were students at the university he works at, he regularly engaged in prostitution prior to meeting me (probably after) and a couple of times they were with transvestites), I don't know, even if I had the opportunity to take him back, he never talks about his feelings -- never -- and keeps things inside. Clearly this pattern of behavoir that I'm peicing together is troubling to say the least
