When I married you, I had envisioned the two of us sharing our lives with each other. I imagined us growing old and wise together.
As often happens with relationships, life's demands seem to always threaten to add distance between the spouses. Needs go unmet. Resentments fester. Anger shows itself, and acts to increase the distance even more.
Unfortunately, we have been sucked into the self-sustaining vortex of resentment, anger and withdrawal that threatens all marriages.
I have had a glimpse of what it must be like for you to go "unheard" over the years and often unsupported. I can understand your resentment and anger. It makes sense. You have my honest apology for my contribution to your hurt. I am willing to do what it takes to fully "get it", but I will need your help since it obviously doesn't come naturally to me.
If you are wondering how I came to understand the need to be heard, understood, and supported, it seems that I have found myself in a position similar to yours. The intimacy, both physical and emotional that I have always wanted in our relationship, has proven to be illusive and difficult for me to find. Likewise, I find myself also dealing with feelings of resentment and anger, that I have unfortunately allowed to add even more distance in the relationship.
I have gone through multiple iterations in my mind of trying to figure out emotions and needs and balance all of that into some semblance of a functional relationship. No matter how I tried to balance the ideas in my mind, the ideas always had "holes" that would prevent them from working.
I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it is that is broken and what I wanted, then it became crystal clear to me. "Want" is the key I was looking for, not need. I might "need" to eat, but I "want" to share it as often as possible with you.
Here is a short list of some of the things I have realized.
- I want the woman I married back. - I want our individual and mutual complaints with the marriage not only addressed, but fixed. - I want our kids to have a stable family from here until they are having our grandchildren. - I want my partner in life back. - I want to love and be loved again. - I want us to face the world as a team again.
Come be with me. Let's fix this thing now while it can still be fixed. You don't even have to have a plan. I already have one, and it's one we can work together.
Hubby ------
If you decide to use the letter, then you had best really have a plan for the recovery of your marriage. I suggest professional help, but whatever you do, make sure that you are proactive in doing it. Lead.
All the best, NOPkins
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
