Refuse To Lose, Part VII

[SirPrizeMe]

RTl
I'm sorry. So sorry.
You have every right to be hurt, pissed, crushed, sick. Of course you are. you should be.

This won't make you feel any better - but you are in the same boat as I am. I think this is a play that is run over and over again by women in divorce. It is made possible by the liberalized divorce laws, the advance of no-fault, and the advance of women's rights groups. The presumption in my state is that if a woman makes allegations, they are true. It is not like a criminal proceeding: "innocent until proven guilty". It is the opposite.

I don't have much wisdom for you because my situation is still playing out. I will tell you that I have been repeatedly disappointed, when expecting fairness and justice to prevail.
Despite that, I still think the truth will come out, and a just result will be bad. So I guess the lesson from my experience is, super patience is a requirement. It will feel unfair for a long long time.

I found some reason for hope last week, which is partly why I am back on this board. I spoke with the parenting evaluator - the very first representative of the court who listened to my side of the story. This person is not an advocate, and not an advisor. She is not permitted to indicate her opinion about my situation to me. She only asks questions. But from the questions she asked, she seemed ... I don't know... could be just my own perception... but she seemed very skeptical of the ridiculous claims by my wife. In my favor, she made some allegations that are easy to disprove. Also, the allegations keep escalating (Sexual abuse is the latest). And, W is inconsistent - she asserted that she did not want to take the kids away from me, to the evaluator. But yet she filed a DV protection order asking to take the kids away from me for 12 years. This evaluator has been around the block, has seen some things. She is wise to the victim play so often run by women. That is my take anyway.

I don't have anything concrete to base this on, like I said it is only my feeling. I will know more at my hearing, when the evaluator delivers her report.

RTL, I hate to see you in this place.

Divorce stinks! It should be a crime, literally, a crime! that this situation is allowed to continue. That women who are dissatisfied can libel their husbands, can level false accusations without fear of repercussions or reprisal. It is morally repugnant to use lies as a tactic in a divorce proceeding. It is designed to make you suffer and capitulate. It is horse feathers! (I would use much stronger language if I were standing in front of you. )

Stay patient. In the days ahead you will need to draw on your inner reserves of strength. Most of all you need to remain confident in who you are.

I spoke with a friend, explained my situation to her. She grabbed the conversations, "Listen to me!" she said with force in her voice. "You are a great father. You are a super dad. You love your kids. You're reliable, you're smart, you're honest and conscientious. You're kind and wise. You've been a good mentor. You care about people. Never forget who you are. Don't let what she is saying about you, cause you to lose yourself."

She was very wise. I was beginning to believe my wife. W said I was a horrible father. The court agreed with her, in the initial hearing (guilty until proven innocent). People look at you sideways when you lose custody of your kids, they assume that of course there is a good reason your kids have been taken away. After a while, I started to believe the bullspit. It makes me crazy .

So my advice - Especially now, stick close to your friends. Let them tell you what they see in you. Believe them. Don't believe the liar. Don't lose yourself. Now more than ever, you need to Be the man!