I'm sorry you're in the spot you're in. Listen I want to share with you my own experience. For what it's worth. Maybe it will provide some perspective for you.
I was in a similar boat, I think. 4 kids. My wife had an affair with my best friend, then I found out, we moved away. She resented the fact that I "had one" on her. She couldn't forgive herself, couldn't live with me after. I tried to convince her that we could forgive each other, rebuild, reconcile, find happiness again together. She was doubtful, moved out of the bedroom. I didn't want a divorce, was reluctant to see an attorney.
My bad. She had been preparing much more than I had. She found a bulldog attorney, joined a support group for battered women, convinced the judge I had physically abused her. Now I am on the defensive. I never imagined she would do something like this.
Everyone that knows my wife from the old days think she is off her rocker. But the judge didn't think that. I'm not saying your wife would do this. I am saying, I did not expect it. So.... See an attorney. But more - begin documenting, right now, the stuff that goes on, including especially how you care for your children. Take photos, and date them, of you interacting with your kids. Write them letters, and maybe make copies. Write them letters that recall special times you had with them. Save everything they give you - drawings, any artwork at all. Keep a journal of the time you spend with them, the conversations you have with them. Keep a paper trail. It sounds ridiculous, but had I done this, I would not be fighting now, to get time with my kids. Not custody, you understand. Custody is out of the question. Right now I am fighting for mere visitation!
So go visit the kids' teachers. Explain what is happening. Document your meetings with them. Document your involvement with your kids, right now. Show them off to the neighbors. Ask for flex-time at work, take the kids on special days or trips.
That my wife would take my kids from me and allege sexual abuse, was beyond the realm of imagination one year ago. But that is where I am now. I don't want to scare you. A little caution and defensive thinking now will be sure to avoid this kind of thing later. If only I had known ...
Please do be mindful, careful, thoughtful, patient.
My best to you.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
