The issue of the "rollercoaster" stands out for me. It indeed does create a confusing environment for all. Outside of the occassional meltdowns that I had, the rollercoaster has been mostly internal and although I did a pretty good job of acting "as if" for the most part, I think that my feelings found ways of seeping out around the edges in general. Dropping 25lbs in a short amount of time also set off sirens and was a visible reminder to him of the toll his actions were taking on me, on a daily basis. Try as I have, I can't seem to put any weight back on. I wish I could because not only would I feel better but so would my H.
I did get Michelle's video tapes "the marriage breakthrough" this week. Would you recommend the KLA tapes over the videos?
As for my C, that has been good for me I think. It gives me at least one live human being to talk things through with once a week.
In regard to forgiving my H, I did tell him well before his statement ("he had already forgiven me and said that he hoped that someday I could forgive him.") that I forgave him for what had happened and that I was willing to move on. He knew that at the time that he made that statement. I believe that he was referring to the deceptions and betrayal that followed after that point in time and for promising to never lie to me again and then breaking that promise over and over again. That, I have not verbalized my forgiveness for, as of yet.
