Hm, I'll have to think about those questions. I really don't know.
In all seriousness, though, I know the biggest thing he misses about me is the sex. Not just sex in general, but sex with ME. He has said so. He has had some very favorable things to say about that area.
But I do have to work on my PMA whenever I have contact with him. I just have so much resentment in me in regard to other women and his history with them. Not just that but the foolish things he has done with the money that has made me/our family suffer <deep sigh> I will definitely focus on redirecting the negative energy into something positive and productive. It's only 2 days, right? I can do this for 2 days. lol
Plus, this celebration will be packed with emotion in general. The baby and I almost died in the operating room. A few hours after he was born, he was medivacced to Duke. I didn't get to hold him for 2 weeks. He had sepsis in his lungs and they were filled with fluid. Hour by hour, they didn't expect him to live. They said that he had his general health and his weight in his favor (he was 9 lbs, 7 oz even though he was 2 wks early). He spent the first month of his life, fighting for his life in the NICU. Seven days after he was born, I was rushed back to the hospital with a pulmonary embolism and cardiomyopathy and spent the week in the cardiac unit. My husband (who would've been deployed at the time if he hadn't injured his back) went back and forth between hospitals (2 hrs apart) and taking care of the other 3 kids (with the help of our mothers and my sister who had come down to help him). I'm a big breastfeeding advocate so I would pump my milk, freeze it and then he would drive it up there. He'd spend hours there by the baby's side. After we brought the baby home, he was still weak (and so was I) so the summer was hard for our family. I take being a "domestic engineer" very seriously so it was rough for me (and them) to be out of commission for the most part. My clot didn't go away until some time in November. Until then I had to take 2 different blood thinners (one was a shot I had to give myself) and be very careful about my diet. The baby had an adrenal insufficiency and had to take 2 medicines every day. He had trouble eating because of the intubator he had had in the hospital. We had to drive back and forth to Duke a few times because of the specialists.
So, this celebration will be one of celebrating God's miracles and remembering what He's done for this family. May 7, I will celebrate one year of survival since I got the clot. Ironically, that is our wedding anniversary. Sadly, though, we had been fighting a lot around the time the baby was born. In fact, the morning I went into labor (they had to do an emergency c-section), we had had a BIG fight because it was pay day and I had discovered (when I went to pay the bills) that he had redirected his paycheck to an account that I didn't even know about or have access to. He allotted $400 to our joint account for me to buy groceries and gas for the month. I was hysterical. It made me feel so insecure. Here I'm about to deliver a baby and it looked like he was setting things up to leave me. I left the house and while I was driving around, I went into labor. He kept calling me on the cell phone and I would just answer, scream at him and hang up. It was horrible.
