Just finished reading your threads and I have a little to contribute.
Throughout the entire ordeal, you were going through cyclical patterns of up and down, DB'ing and not DB'ing. I think this was mainly caused by the fact that you not only bought a ticket for his rollercoaster ride but you sat right next to him throughout the whole thing.
I think that it's probably only a good thing that your H moved out. He obviously has troubles which he needs to work out on his own and I think that he needs the time to do that. It is quiet reasonable that it is difficult for hi to do this around you because not only are you surrounded by emotional "baggage", you're also going up and down emotionally as well and it's an environment that doesn't lend itself to clear thinking and decision making. I know the timing is horrible but the longer this goes on, the worse it will get.
As for you, you need to get focus on getting off of this emotional rollercoaster ride that you're on. You need to control yourself, your emotions and your actions. You do a good job of DB'ing when you put your mind to it, you just need to put your mind to it more consistantly. You need to detach and really, seriously start focusing on yourself. You do not need to leave the house to do this although it usually helps. Focus on your own life, focus on your own health and your own activities. You cannot control him, you need to rely on yourself for everything first before you go trying to get support from other people.
I saw something about you seeing a C, how has that been going?
I think that if you want this to work, you need to focus on your H's feelings - how does he feel, how do your actions make him feel, how do your words make him feel and work on changing those things that make him feel bad. Might want to check out the KLA tape series, I think that would be good for you.
One thing jumped out at me that he said: "He said he had already forgiven me and said that he hoped that someday I could forgive him.". Have you forgiven him? Have you told him this?
