The most important part of this is if you look at all of the success stories on this board, they all have one thing in common, the LBS detached and GAL and stopped worrying about what was going on. Their spouse saw this in them and noticed the change and realized their spouse was no longer doing the chasing, in fact if anything, they were doing the walking or it appears this way in their eyes as there are no more R talks and no more asking questions.
We all want what we can't have, or at least many of us do. This goes for almost everything in life, not just relationships.
Wise man..... Very wise indeed....
Bogey free golf this weekend Ping. I liked the shot where you got up and down when you dropped off the kids. Very good job. Good interaction and excellent idea on making plans as if it were no big deal. You have a life to live. Women are attracted to men who seem to be going somewhere with their life. Remember that this is like the U.S. Open. Par is good. Par will have you in the hunt come Sunday.
Keep doing exactly what you are doing. Let her come to you. Be the stronger one emotionally. Keep on being nice to her and just let it happen. (it is what it is).. The strong silent type is quite attractive to a woman. They love men with emotional strength that is sensitive to HER emotions and wants and needs without making a big deal about his problems. " Don't worry honey,I will handle it".....
Thanks GL, I really feel like I am making needed changes. I really appreciate your input on my sitch, it has really helped me see things from a different light. I just wish I knew this 5 months ago. I hope it is not too little too late. I still have 7 months before we can get a divorce as it takes 1 year in NC so I do feel if I keep these changes going they may be noticed in that timeframe. Thanks again.
You ARE making needed changes. It isn't too late. Where you need to be emotionally is at the place where you realize that you REALLY WILL be fine without her. That maybe, just maybe SHE waited too long and that you not only don't need what she is offering, but realize you CAN DO BETTER and WILL....
Of course... It is all about the way you look at things. You can either pout and whine and wonder why or why not or you can take charge (which is what attracts them back) and keep doing what you are doing and come across to her as a happy, confident, secure, non pressuring man... that has a WHOLE LOT TO OFFER... (either her or someone else)...
You never say those things to her of course, but do not worry.... She WILL notice and she IS watching and observing you. Trust me..
Remember.. YOU are Her high school sweetheart too...
There is the "physical divorce" and there is the "emotional divorce"...
She may be thinking about the physical divorce, but I can guarantee you the only thing that is going to allow her to think long and hard about the emotional one is when she comes to the place that she isn't so sure what YOU want...
That is why you just keep doing what you are doing..
Let HER come to you...
If you keep playing this correctly... She WILL come to you sooner or later.... Maybe SHE will be saying.... I hope it isn't too little too late...
Don't underestimate yourself... Confidence rules... (golf as well as relationships)
The key here is to stop worrying about the "what if's"..
You said it yourself... "it is what it is"... I like that one. It is one I am sure men understand.. It is what it is.... No biggie... You can handle it.....Busy men who are going somewhere with their life don't have much time to worry about what if's..
Thanks GL, I am going to keep on the path that I am on. I feel much better on this path. I feel I am off the rollercoaster as I have no expectations right now.
My guess too would be that she is observing me at this time and I WILL NOT give her any amunition to shoot me with. I will keep my upbeat attitude and the thinking of "it is what it is".
There have been 4 success stories on this board this week alone. I plan on making it another success story in due time.
I just got back from ballgame. W had to work dugout tonight for S7's team. I may have looked her way 1-2 times during the game and that is it. I don't know if she ever looked my way or not but I wanted to make sure she didn't catch me looking her way.
In the last inning, I decided to be a little mysterious, W had ran up to another field to see some of our friends new dog that they brought to the games tonight. I went by and told S7 I had to go and to call me after the game and let me know if they won or not and gave him a hug. As I was walking to my car, I passed W, she asked where are you going, I told her I had something to do but I told S7 to call after the game to let me know if they won or not. She didn't appear to be too happy with this. I saw S10 about a minute later and gave him a hug and told him ILY and to sleep good tonight.
I feel that I am taking some positive steps with these moves, I feel that I am taking some control over myself and not being dragged around like a lost puppy. I just hope I am doing the right things here.
BTW, I have yet to recieve the phone call from S7 and I am sure the ballgame has been over for some time now.
Well, my plan worked out, I came home after the game, the wife had some things of mine and instead of giving them to me tomorrow night, she decides to drop them off on my front porch. Didn't knock on the door or anything, I didn't get the phone call until after they left the house that S7 did win tonight, S10 is the one that called and left the message. I had no lights on in the house, only the TV.
She is either pissed right now not knowing what I am doing or she is beginning to think. Let's hope she starts to think about things. I had a feeling that she would come by here especially since I didn't get a call after the game ended.
GL, is this making progress on what I need to be doing? I feel it is being mysterious.
Well, my plan worked out, I came home after the game, the wife had some things of mine and instead of giving them to me tomorrow night, she decides to drop them off on my front porch. Didn't knock on the door or anything, I didn't get the phone call until after they left the house that S7 did win tonight, S10 is the one that called and left the message. I had no lights on in the house, only the TV.
She is either pissed right now not knowing what I am doing or she is beginning to think. Let's hope she starts to think about things. I had a feeling that she would come by here especially since I didn't get a call after the game ended.
GL, is this making progress on what I need to be doing? I feel it is being mysterious.
Interesting. So she is either pissed or you have raised her curiosity about why you left. Wonder why she would not knock? Think she's sort of checking up on you by coming by?
I don't know what she is thinking. Only she knows. Mystery is good as long as you don't backslide and start a relationship talk or pressure her. She may ask you what you had to do when you left tonight. Be polite. Be nice. Don't overdo it here. Pick your spots. Let her come to you. It IS a good sign that she stopped by to leave your things after the game. Why did she have your things? Why didn't you take care of it yourself? (Just making sure you keep showing that you are taking care of yourself) My guess would be that she was curious.
You are on the right track here. Stay on this path. It is important that you let her come to you. She will. We have to get you ready when she brings up a "talk". It is good if she is wondering. We don't really know what she is thinking at this time. Let her think all she wants. Strong, confident, silent strength. Be happy, act happy, act mature and pursue your own interests.
Grip, stance and alignment.
It is what it is. Let her come to you. Don't ignore her, but don't pursue her or act needy or pressure in any way. She needs to FEEL that you are perfectly fine without her. Enjoy your time alone. Just think.. You can watch whatever you want on TV, you can play golf whenever you want, etc. Learn to appreciate your time alone and learn to enjoy it. You will be a much better partner when she comes back. You have taken off all the pressure. Great job.
Mike, yes I do believe she was checking up on me. I had all of the lights in the house off, the TV was on, I could only guess why she didn't knock.
What this does tell me is that she still has some interest in me. At least that is what I get out of it. I have totally detached for 3 weeks now, no R talks at all, I know she has noticed this. I had a cookout in the neighborhood on Monday night that she knew about.
I can only hope she begins to really think about things now. We will see.
