Minkerman: W asked if she could come home

[minkerman]

I think that what will stabilize her is the realization that I have made significant changes, and she believes that they are permanent. She told me that last night.

I told her that all I ask is three things:
1. that we communicate constantly
2. that we give it time...Rome wasn't built in a day
3. that she commits to working as hard as me on our marriage

This should prevent or minimize any meltdowns or weirdness. However...one day at a time is the key concept here. And we are both aware of that.

[LucasE]

Omigod. An immediate change of heart? Sigh. You are such a Hero. Congratulations on the dream come true. The vision, come to life. DB consistently? Now, not only a hero, but a teacher. You now have hind sight.
Thanks for working so hard and sharing with us and pulling it off. You have certainly given my beaten heart some new strength.

M41
W39
M10/94
s4d7
S11/07
DB Consistently 03/08 - Present

[minkerman]

Just an aside:

There are a couple of things that make our sitch a little different than many (if not most) here on the site.

- There never was an OM
- We have been together 30 years, married for 28 of them.

We have a long and incredible history, which is a hard thing for both of us, to just throw away.

I think those two things do affect the dynamic somewhat.

[jon2911]

MM, great to hear! Keep us updated.

[Marcum]

MM I am happy for you my friend. keep us in the loop. you have made friends here.

[minkerman]

Well, that's 2 nights together, and things are going wonderfully. She says it's like she has woken up from a bad dream, and she can now envision the life she always wanted with me. For me, I am just happy to have my wife back in my life. I am committed to being the new MM forever...I will never take my eye off the ball again. We have been given another chance, and we can not blow it.

We have committed to solution focused thinking, not dwelling on how we got to this point, just living each moment as it comes...as two new people.

So far, so awesome!

[cw68]

You both rock! I think you've got the right attitude. Hopefully she realizes that there are going to be times when she'll question her decision. If she realizes that, then nothing will stop her from coming to her own conclusion (again) that your marriage is the life she always wanted. Solution-based living!

[minkerman]

I asked her this morning if I had the all-clear to start planning stuff for the summer, etc (that's always been my thing, not hers). She said yes, please do. I said, it's not going to freak you out? She said no, I am back, so I guess not.

I know some would say I was "asking permission", which is wussy behaviour - but it is important to know where the boundaries are, and that is why I am doing it.

As we drove to work, she said "are you going to miss losing your new-found freedom?". I said "no, because I haven't lost it". "Good answer", she smiled.

Last night she said if she started to backslide, to challenge her on it. I said, you got a deal, lady!

So, we are communicating really well. And we have both pledged not to bring up the past or to let the past affect the present or future. That is really exciting.

[JenInVen]

We have committed to solution focused thinking, not dwelling on how we got to this point, just living each moment as it comes...as two new people.

And we have both pledged not to bring up the past or to let the past affect the present or future. That is really exciting.

Great Mink! Those 2 quotes above really got me thinking. This is what so many of us would love to have if our Ss come back. Great work!

Jen

[cw68]

I think it's thoughtful and prudent that you figure out where the boundaries are for you guys. That said, I wouldn't go off and plan a summer's worth of activities, but maybe just one or two. Loved, loved, loved your answer to the freedom question! As you said, you are a real and true new Mink. Keep that and you'll both be happier.

Cheers to the Minks!!