God believes I'm worth it...

[BethM]

OK then that's the same thing. I thought about this after I wrote and I'm sure that he would have to get his name off the deed anyway, in order for you to get the loan.

[oldtimer]

Cat, do you have a L? It is very important that you are crystal clear on what it will take to make your interests financially independent from STBX.

Also, you should take seriously Ellie's comments. As you move forward in your life, having your ex-spouses belongings stored at your house, being legally bound to do so, and being legally bound to allow him access to those belongings is not going to be a welcome thing.

I know you are just looking to get through this right now. But try to look at the big picture too. This shed-kind-of-thing is toxic. I hope you find some way to avoid it.

What happens if you sell the house and move?

[cat03]

I'm totally, TOTALLY floored, I dont' know what to think now, THIS IS ABSURD!!

During mediation we never mentioned anything about any of us getting married, and now, after we just said yesterday we agreed on everything and it was done now he says that if I get married I have to pay him ALL the loan, because he is not letting my H live for free in the house he help buy.

WTH???? it was not NOT mentioned ever, first he said that we did talk about it, then he said "well, i'm bringing it up now".

I'm fuming furious, Lord, help me with this crazy. He just texted me

" i'm thtough speaking 2 u... u think everything i say that u don't like is unfair...
if u don't like it... u think it unfair... fine...."

i will not sign the agreement if this is not in there.... ilm done... u can rot in hell... i'm not the bank of stbx... pay me back sooner

i done talking... i'm not meeting u half way.... u just trying 2 [censored] me... if u don't like it pay me sooner... stop txting me i'm done...
===============

oh Lord help me, I do not have the $$ for a L, this man is totally crazy, I cannot afford to go to court and fight a legal battle, but I'm not giving in to his crazy demands.

[Committed2Him]

Did the L say anything about a quitclaim? (again, not even sure you can do one if you don't change the loan but I am thinking you can. A quick call to a mortgage, notary or realator will be free and get you the answer if the L didn't.)

Even with an SA, if you can get him off the deed, much better for you although if I were him, I would wait until I got my money.

You may not more separation on this issue between you two (a clean break is best but not always possible) and if that's the case, do remember Romans 8:28. It will work out for your good and God is allowing it. It could be for multitudes of reasons and so when it is resolved, whether to your liking or not. Start to ask God to show you how He is working in that situation? Sort of like telling God, "I don't get it but I trust You. Give me the grace to deal with him, use the situation to bring you glory to You in the eyes of those who see how I deal with it," etc.

praying for you.

[cat03]

and the icing on the cake

f*ck u then.... i don't give a flying [censored] if u sign it or not.... go 2 hell.... i am not loaning money 2 ur new hubby.... it was 4 kids....

[fig]

of course he will rant sweetie

he isn't getting what he wants

remember

he is like a 3 year old in Target and he really really wants that spiderman toy that shoots the string all over

he really really wants it
it is the bestest toy ever

he promises to be really really good
he will never ever want anything else ever again

please please please please

you are the meanest mommy ever

and then he throws himself on the floor kicking and screaming

he is throwing a tantrum
you aren't giving in and he will try whatever it takes to make you give in

take a deep breath and think of his screwed up face all red and crabby and him kicking his heels on the floor

now leave

that is what you need to do
I left lots of carts in Target in the aisles as I scooped up whatever Hardy and went home

leave

you are fine

[BigHands]

First thing's first.

Forward every one of those texts to an email address, where you can print them off. If you go to court, a judge will love that.

Second. Can you afford a lawyer more, or losing a house more?

Lesser of two evils here. If you take it to court, a judge will probably require you to sell the house and split the equity, or balance on the mortgage, according to the division ordered for all other assets and liabilities.

[Committed2Him]

fig is right!

My X had the biggest fits imaginable!

It is very common and one explanation is this. In their conscience, they know they are GUILTY. However, they have to justify their actions, the LBS has to be the bad person, unreasonable, unlovable, b!tch or @hole etc. this way, WAS is absolved. They had to leave this terrible R with this horrible person, it was the only thing any reasonable person could do. Also, the WAS will not experience any true, deep, lasting peace after the dust settles so they will usually kick up the dust again down the road.

Remember, it is not you, it is them. (Ok, sometimes it is us but mostly, it them )

[Committed2Him]

Let me add this to what BH said about selling:

I refinanced, paid X from the refi and kept the house. I hoped we would reconcile and I did not find out about OM until after that was all done and she had already moved out (yes, I should have seen the signs but I didn't). Partly, I also believed it would be good to have the house for the kids to come to, for some stability related to the past.

If I had the chance to do it over again, I would have sold and started fresh in my own place.

(by the way, I wanted to "do the right thing" and offered to have her buy me out so she could keep the kids in their house. She said "no" and wouldn't you know it, after she move out, the first weekend the kids were with me, OM was spending the weekends at X's new place)

cat- God is still good, inspite of how things transpired regarding the house. Do weigh your options as BH suggested.

[cat03]

he's just called me 4 times, I'm not picking up. Sent another txt to my email (I dont' have txt feature so we txt through email) but I didnt' read it for fear of upsetting me and because I want him to stop yanking my chain, a good friend from work who's been with me from the very beginning of my hell read it and deleted it (it will stay on the deleted folder where I can't read but can retrieve it if I have to use it)

I wont have contact with him until Monday -when he has to come for the kids- if I can help it. I know he'll call the house since I dont' have caller ID, no way to check if it is him. I know he squirms whenever I dont return his calls when he is calling me on the rare occasion I go dim, so NC should give him time to get off his hissy fit.

The house would sell for peanuts BH, and I rather buy off his part, I see their life is largely undisturbed because they are in their rooms with the people and friends they know in the neighborhood, I dont' want to move them.