Jeannine, I can't remember, but you are one of the quadruplets, aren't you???
Your approach to your H was pretty darn close to mine around the health issue. I pretty much called him on the "honour" issue right on the phone with OW as she insisted he leave to be with her immediately! And me with my surgeon's appointment THAT DAY!!!
That said...it sounds like your H is close to the end of HIS rope too. I KNOW you need support like never before right now, but my advice (and JMO) is to do as MUCH as you can for yourself. Be as strong as you can in the face of this adversity.
The day OW called and CJ was "leaving"...but promised to stay until my health crisis was over...I got myself up and went to that appointment on my own. Held it together, too. I have no idea how...just sensed that I would HAVE to learn to be more self sufficient....even if SOMEHOW our M worked out!
Please let us know how your tests went. I know they make you wait on results sometimes. (I was, fortunately, diagnosed immediately).
Want to hear another stream of thought? : My ex-fiance left me during my worst relapse of Ulcerative Colitis, about 2 months before my first surgery. What IS this???
Oh, yes AND.....Jeannine, not to scare you, but to prepare you. When I had my kidney surgery last summer, unbeknownst to me, CJ was already on OW #2 and promising her he and I were separated, he was on his way etc. (all lies).
I remember only too well how his "care for me" post op left a whole lot to be desired. He was like an empty shell. Going through the motions. Believe me, though, I appreciate those motions as I could not have recovered alone...(had twice daily nurse care too).
I recall my first night home from the hospital (a total nightmare)...I had some leakage problems from a tube site and was completely vulnerable, miserable and in acute pain.
I remember sobbing and asking CJ why he wasn't comforting me? Why didn't he hold me, say he loved me, say I wasn't some horrid burden to him. He just sat there on the bed right beside me, motionless, wordless.
I suppose that was a great big sign to me, wasn't it? But I was too ill, too needy, too oblivious to see it.
My point is....your H may NOT be the model of empathy and care right now. It SUCKS. But it is not predictive of whether or not he loves you, will recommit or anything.
I'm hoping he's more empathetic than this, however!
