Even though you don't post all that much, I must say, that when you do it's like a shot in the arm every time. You show depth of understanding and have a no nonsense approach. I like that very much.
As for the bleeding, the dr. is not sure what is causing it at this point and has turned me over to his partner as he himself is going on vacation for a month. I do know that a colonoscopy will be done fairly soon. Naturally I'm hoping for something benign.
I agree that my H is the man for the job and he should step up to the plate.
I needed to hear someone, other than the voice in my head, say "What he is asking of you right now is too much, it's too selfish".
"It might even be the case that if he focuses on your health specifically, and on someone other than himself generally, it would be good for his whole outlook on life and your R."
Colonoscopy? That's the one where they make you drink the Go-Lightly (that actually makes you go-heavily, LOL), isn't it? My W thought (with her trip to the ER yesterday for abdominal pain) that the docs might want her to have one, but she was able to avoid it. Well, we'll certainly be hoping and praying for the best result from that. In any case, not knowing what the problem is must be stressful in itself. Have you scheduled it yet?
Well, if I can offer you any tips on what to expect from the colonoscopy...I've had more than I care to remember.
Also, heaven forbid, if your diagnosis turns out to be Ulcerative Colitis, I know a whole lot about that, too. And I'm living proof that it can be overcome.
I got sick at 22 and each relapse coincided with major life stressors.
I agree that you need to find alternative care for our parents ASAP. I know how it feels to be ill, maybe in danger and feel you might not be able to turn to the one person you thought would always be there for you.
CJ dropped bomb #1 three weeks after I had kidney surgery (I was barely getting around). Then In Dec (Bomb#2) he was ready to fly off when I was waiting on CT results which confirmed the return of my kidney problem.
The thought of having to be ill, perhaps have surgery, without him was terrifying. But duty won through when I asked him to stay until this newest crisis was over...he agreed, and well as it's dragged on, he's still here....although a lot of other things have happened so I'm pretty sure that's not the only reason.
Time to go to bed, I'm rambling.
Prayers to you J, seriously, if you have any questions...I'm your gal.
A colonoscopy is a proceedure in which a long flexible lighted tube is inserted throughout the entire extent of the large intestine, permitting a complete exam. I, of course, will be getting a blood test. These may or may not hold the answer to my distress. I will be going into the doctor's office this afternoon for a consultation about what he thinks will be a necessary course of action.
As of this moment I don't have a schedule, but I'm quite certain that it will be soon as my other doctor said this is a matter that cannot wait.
I can only imagine the hell that you went through with your situation and those illnesses.
"I know how it feels to be ill, maybe in danger and feel you might not be able to turn to the one person you thought would always be there for you."
You've said it for me.
Friday night, I noticed that Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday were written on our whiteboard. I asked H what that was about and he said that those were the days and nights that he would be staying at Parkside (our other house, not the one where we are presently living with the folks) and at that moment, I felt like my insides were collapsing.
This, after he'd heard the bad news about my health.
This, after I'd discussed with him the affects of stress on the immune system and how that can bring on serious illnesses and keep a person in a weakened state so that they are unable to recover.
This, after his seeing how weak I've become and knowing that I have a tough week of scarey tests and possible outcomes before me.
I told him that I could not imagine leaving someone I cared about on their own during a time like this. He said "just forget I said that". I told him that I couldn't, that because he'd even considered leaving me alone at this time, makes me feel like he doesn't even care about my life.
Well apparently, that was the wrong thing to say and probably the wrong time as well. He came unglued and eventually got in my face and said in a threatening tone, "You want to see what NOT caring looks like? Don't beg for it because I WILL show starting right now!"
I was too freightened to say anything. I just turned away and flopped on the bed.
Some time later, he came in and sat on the bed and then eventually said in a controlled tone, "I will be there to do whatever it takes to help you through this".
The rest of the evening he was rather distant. I asked him if he meant what he said about showing me what "not caring" looked like. I also told him that his face, tone and what he'd said was now burned in my mind. He apologized, said he was tired and that "no, he couldn't do that". He also said that I shouldn't have had to hear that.
Beyond that, I got little comfort.
The next morning, he was nicer and we had a pretty decent day and night.
However, on Sunday after we'd had breakfast and done a few chores, my H said he needed to go mow his mom's lawn and the Parkside lawn as well and feed the snakes. This is normal on weedends. He said he'd be back when he was done. I asked him if he was planning on staying the night at Parkside and he said that he was, but after a moment he also said that "he would think that over". I was really hoping he would come to his senses and voluntarily do the right thing. So I decided to button my lip and see what he would decide.
Well a few hours later, my H called and said "Why don't you order a pizza, I'm on my way back". So I'm thinking "Oh good, how nice, he's not going to put me through anymore crap about staying away at this time." Then he mentioned that he still had things to do there but that he would get to them this evening. I said, "Are saying that you are going to stay there tonight?" "Yes" was his reply. I took a deep breath and said, "Okay, see you".
When he got home, I mustered my DB skills together just enough to keep a civil and calm tone and then said "May I speak with you for a moment?" I could see him clamping his jaw. Then I asked him if he had given any thought while he was out, to whether it was such a good idea to leave me alone right now. He said he hadn't. I asked him if he thought that it was the right thing to do and if another couple were going through the same thing, what would he think that H should do. He immediately said "you're right, I won't."
I then brought up why his being gone at night would just make it more difficult for me health wise.
1. The dogs would be very upset (as they always are) if he did not come home to sleep and that would greatly disturb me.
2. That I wake a lot at night feeling scared about what is going on and my health and that it is a comfort to me to know he is right there.
3. That I didn't feel well enough to handle everything thing here on my own.
4. That this week is filled with uncertainty and that I need to lower my stress levels as much as possible.
He got annoyed and said he had heard it all before and didn't want to hear it again. (I didn't define these feelings to him in this way before, so that hurt.)
I let it go and after a while told him that if he wanted to go back to the other house for a while and then come back later that that was okay with me. I told him that I was trying to compromise. He thanked me for this and ended up staying all the way through until morning.
My heart was beating irregularly throughout the evening yesterday and today it's racing. Guess it's stress related. I don't feel safe or secure at all.
I'm not looking forward to it, but it's time to get with the program.
I've just ordered Michelle's videos, The Marriage Breakthrough Interactive Video Seminar. I hope they get here real soon, but most of all, I hope my H will watch them and respond in a positive way.
I am so sorry you have all of this going on right now! I hope you get some good news at the dr. today.
What you are going through makes me realize that nothing I have going on is anything like what you are going through! But thank you so much for the support you have given me!
My H watched the videos and we both thought they were pretty good. Hoping someday we review them! But I know that isn't where he is at right now!
Take care of yourself!!! Hope your H is more supportive as the week goes on.
{{{{{{{{{Jeannine}}}}}}}}}
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I said, "Are saying that you are going to stay there tonight?" "Yes" was his reply. I took a deep breath and said, "Okay, see you".
