Is there anyone who can support you right now? Be with you? A friend, family member, anyone?? are you involved with any organizations who could get you a respite worker to help with your parents?
Did you dr. see the criticality of the situation and offer any assistance?
I'm so sorry to be hammering you with questions...I'm sending you love and hope and strength, too. I'm just unbelievably worried right now.
Totally bizarre thought but would you be willing to post a need for help on the boards here with the hope that there are some local DB'ers who could assist???
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
If that is the case let him go and take care of yourself. If you don't get your health back you won't be able to fight any fight. So if you have some family or friends around see if you can get some help from them. This is to important to not do for yourself.
Lee
PS Im sending huggz ((((((((Jeannine)))))))))) Your way.
Oh no, Jeannine! I understand what the weight loss is about, but why internal bleeding? Please do what ever you have to to find that reserve of strength to fight for yourself right now.
Okay, you won't have any R if you don't have a YOU. Spend your resources on you and you alone right now. Contact a hospice agency and get some care for your parents. My H did that for his mother. Call a crisis line locally and find some resources to give you help. You are letting everyone else's stresses tear you apart - your parents, your H. You are worth so very much more.
Thanks for being there for me yesterday. I seem to be hitting bottom, huh. After I had posted yesterday, an intense thunderstorm came through and the dogs and I huddled together shaking, each of us scared for reasons of our own.
My H called on his way back from work yesterday, but I didn't answer the phone. I was too much in a funk to talk to anyone. He then arrived here about a half an hour later. I was held up in the study with the shade drawn and the door closed. I needed to be in a dark, quiet place. Of course, my mother was doing her usual (trying to get at me by any means) and the dogs were doing there usual (barking and generally going nuts because of my mother's bizarre behavior) so I just curled up in the darkness ignoring it as best I could.
My H walked in and sat with me a while wanting to know what had happened at the doctor's office. I gave him a general rundown but spent most my energy on not bursting into tears. He was warm and considerate.
Last night was not supposed to be his night over, but he stayed anyway. He continued to show warmth and sensitivity throughout the evening.
Tonight, Saturday and Saturday night is supposed to be his stay over. I'm not sure how all this is going to play out though. So far he has only spent Sunday and Tuesday night away and I'm sure he is not feeling that "freedom" he has been seeking. I did not ask him to stay last night, nor did I ask anything of him.
I don't recall how the topic came up between the dr. and me, but we briefly discussed stress and the affect it has on the immune system. I started to cry when he asked me about the weight loss issue and told him that there were "problems at home" and because of that, I lost 22lbs. and although I was eating more now, I haven't been able to gain any weight.
We share the same doctor, so when he asked me if H and I were still together, I nervously said "more or less". He said "good, good" and then left the exam room.
I didn't have all these health problems before this year, so my guess is that the prolonged, intense stress that I've been living with has taken a toll on my body. And my other guess is that so long as I continue to be so intensely stressed out, I'm not likely to pull out of this health crisis.
Unfortunately, I don't have any real friends of my own, H was it, (caregiving is an isolating job) and no local family outside of my mother (who can't be there for me anymore) and my time is not my own as much as I need it to be right now. I do get some relief during the week, however, as sick as I am now, I need copious amounts of uninterrupted rest.
I need the support of my H more than ever now too. The timing of this seperation is really bad. I'm wondering if I should risk discussing this with him. Or should I just take a "wait and see" stance to see if he offers up anything. Waiting for him to do that, in itself, would be stressful though. But then again, feeling as if I've put him into a corner isn't going to feel good either.
All I do know at this point is that I'm not going to be able to handle my duties and responsiblities, plus the emotional overload and rally myself through all the tests and do the things I need to in order to get well, as things stand today.
I feel like a major liability to my H and others. Yuck!
Yes Sage, I would like to find some other DBers in my area. How does one do that? Do you post in all the forums? Use a designated thread? I think that I would feel pretty selfish taking up so much space. But you've got me thinking now, perhaps that idea would work under a thread specifically aimed at those who are looking for fellow DBers in their own area. Hmmm. What do you think?
I'm so glad you've let us know what's going on for you. I'm also glad that h. stayed with you last night! It's a relief for me to know that you were not alone.
Most people who are looking for fellow local DB'ers post in the "just for fun" area of the boards. Start up a thread with your location in the title. If you don't get a good response, I'd post something in "newcomers" -- seems as though most folks take a gander there on a regular basis. Try not to worry about taking up too much bandwidth, my friend. I'm guessing there is more than one kindred spirit out there who will be grateful for the opportunity to meet.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
It looks like there's actually a planned FLA get together the first weekend in august...not sure exactly where it is in proximity to you but someone said it was on the "west coast":
As important as the R with your H is, and his ongoing struggle to figure things out, your health is even more important. You (and he) both need to realize this, and set aside those issues, to the extent possible. He needs to be staying home and taking care of YOU. You have so much on your plate. Do not hesitate to ask him. He can have his alone time some other time. What he is asking of you right now is too much, it's too selfish. I might even be the case that if he focuses on your health specifically, and on someone other than himself generally, it would be good for his whole outlook on life and your R.
I too want to know more about the internal bleeding. Is it an ulcer?
You have been overburdened and need a break (thats "NEED", not "want", not "could use"). Your H is the right man for the job. He needs to step up here, and you can't be fearful of asking him to do it because of some notion that you may be hurting your DBing efforts.
I continue to think about you every day (even though I don't post that much). Get yourself better. I think you are such a naturally giving person that what seems to you to be selfish would rank pretty low on my selfish scale. Be selfish!
