Just Honest..

[Jeanette1120]

Personally I think he's angry.

Now what or WHO he's angry at.....is the question.

Is he angry at himself?? The OW?? The situation he created??

He certaintly can't be angry at you. If he is, WHY?

Gosh Kiki...he sounds like Rich

He doesn't HATE YOU!!! Don't be silly.

Why can't they be happy, they've got what they wanted right?

So be friggen happy already!

[Cinderellaman]

Kiki,

I so agree with Lissie here....

I too am starting to zip the lips when needed, my anger came out and I let him know. It was important for me...not him, but ME !

I don't know what H thinks of me now, I'd be lying if I said I didn't care at all, but you know, I care less, nowadays...it's no longer what defines me.

Let his anger go right past you, know in your heart that you are a wonderful woman and mother !

I am so proud of you !

[cat03]

yup, he's belligerent as soon as you say anything, looking for venom, for another meaning for whatever you have to say, for he has it in his mind that you must hate him, etc etc.

We were having a dissagreement with stbx about something, I told him it'd me uncomfortable for him to be able to do such and such after the D, to which he always puts it as "do you hate me that much that i can't xyz?" he paints it in the worst light he can.

I agree, they become bullies.

[kikifree]

Hi Lissie and Jeanette Cindres and Cat,


My ladies who have grown to know me so well.

Yes, he is kind of a bully.

I was mad. I was mad that OW is still around.

I let it get to me.I dont know whyyyyyy I do it ot myself.

You are so dead on Lissie. I need to stop. Just stop . ther is nothing I can do.I am not detached.

Jeanette, I don't get it. I don't understand how they say they are not angry , but in reality are . He IS angry and I know it!

He picked up D7 from school. I said hi ..then as I was talking i moved my hands around(hispanic in me) and he mimiced me.

I gave a kiss to D7 and left.

i love you guys!!

[Lissie]

I was talking i moved my hands around(hispanic in me)

hee hee. I do the same, It is sooo telemundo isn't it?

That is another reason why you can't shut it. That latin mouth.

[kikifree]

So true, Lissie.

And H is one big ole country boy...

[Nutty Chick]

I would love to have some communication with H.

Then you need to become the kind of person he wants to talk to.

Notice how good you feel when you talk to certain people and feel that they really HEAR what you are saying?

It sounds like you are both talking and no one is listening.

Nutty.

[Cinderellaman]

Then you need to become the kind of person he wants to talk to.

This is very good NC....but as usual not always applicable...I was that way with my H for a while and even though we were 'buddies', he still was in love with ow and it hurt me too much to see him go everytime after having had great talks and communication....

Sometimes this is so hard....isn't it ?!

[Nutty Chick]

Then you need to become the kind of person he wants to talk to.

This is very good NC....but as usual not always applicable...I was that way with my H for a while and even though we were 'buddies', he still was in love with ow and it hurt me too much to see him go everytime after having had great talks and communication....

Sometimes this is so hard....isn't it ?!

Cinders - I agree totally.

I wouldn't want to have good communications with H. No Contact suits me down to the ground!! Like you I would find hearing about his day to day stuff painful. I would also start looking analysing what he was saying and that kind of thing.

Kikifree, on the other hand says she would like to have communications with her H but can’t seem to make it happen. If she wants to have better communications with her H she has to make each interaction positive and stop arguing about stuff.

It is difficult, it requires a lot of work but it is possible.

He does seem angry, his back is up and he is going to defend himself at every given opportunity. Kikifree needs to get to a place where he doesn’t feel the need to keep defending himself. If he feels heard and accepted then maybe he will feel safe enough to open his heart enough to hear her.

Nutty

[kikifree]

OHHH this is good conversation.

Thanks for coming by ..I wish H and i could communicate.
I have been very kind..even to this day I still am polite. I say thank you and hello. But he has not even responded for the past few months. Not since i wouldnt agree with him

He ignores my texts. i smile he doesn't. He stays far away from me. It doesn't work.
For some reason he only states we can't until we are divorced.

How do you make someone feel safe when they are sooo scared to show you any kind emotion.

They only way e would be happy if I settled..why??

He wont communicate with me now. He said that we are on different terms now. And Honestly how after the divorce am I suppose dto be friendly? Miracuoulsly he will be kind and care???

I feel the same way as both of you. i do not like who he is. I have tried .

How on earth can I make him feel safe if he has a brick wall up???