Well going to uni rather than staying at home being miserable was a good move. My fellow students are so supportive. I had requested a meeting with my tutor as I am so far behind and the final deadline is looming at the end of May. Thankfully we came to an arrangement that has at least made me think it is possible to get to the end of this particular tunnel.
When I got home D18 had cooked my tea which was a nice surprise. The house was a tip, especially the kitchen, but hey there was a hot meal waiting for me as I walked in the door.
Another surprise was the S15 is here. He came yesterday at lunchtime too. I'd TMd this morning saying it would be better for him not to come at lunch time today as I was at uni. I don't want him to get into the habit of coming home at lunch time just to use my phone to call his mates and me have another massive phone bill. I didn't tell him this of course! Anyway I digress. He was here this evening. D18 had invited him for tea and he had willingly agreed so that was good. He apparently was disappointed that I was home later than he expected me to be but iit was b/c we finished later at uni today and I had to catch a later train home.
After I had spoken to H last night I was conscious that the girls knew what had happened and I wasn't sure if H would tell S15 and I didn't want him to feel like his feelings didn't count. I was also conscious however that it was getting on for 11pm by this time and I didn't know if he would be in bed. So I sent him a TM telling him what had happened and told him I was sorry for letting him down (no 2x4s please this is genuinely how I feel). He didn't reply but he told me tonight that he was a little upset and that H had offered to talk to him if he wanted. He apparently declined. Somebody made a comment about H celebrating and S15 said 'Well he isn't yet'
He then told me something very astonishing. He said he got the impression last night from H that H didn't believe what I was saying b/c I was so upset! WTF. Why would he think I would phone him to tell him that and not mean it? It's not like I have told him before I would agree to a D and then retracted it. Anyway there it is.
Thank you for all your support over the last couple of days. I'm still of a mind to leave as 'finding me' wasn't my motivation for coming here. To be honest I feel a little cheated that despite following the 'programme' so well it has not produced the desired results. That is something I will have to come to terms with. If I can't then I will need to leave.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
How nice it was of your daughter to make dinner/tea for you! That was very thoughtful of her!
I know what you mean about trying this program and it not working to save your M. I actually spoke of this a while ago on my thread. The main answers I received though was it's more about changing us and the M is just a bonus. I can't say I've done all I can though, or even half of it yet, because I'm hard-headed but am starting to do this now. I think as time moves forward though, you will begin to feel better. Fake it til you make it sweets!
The main answers I received though was it's more about changing us and the M is just a bonus
But that isn't the message you get when you first read the book. It's not called 'Saving yourself remedy' It's called 'Divorce Remedy'. Don't get me wrong I understand that not all Ms can be saved. I'm just questioning whether I have actually achieved anything or whether I have just delayed my agony.
Too much turmoil right now to know
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
ACJ, there are no guarentees in life. No book is going to be able to get your husband back, not unless you hit him over the head with it and it gives him amnesia...
"Yes! You love me, we have been married for 20 years, and on Weds nights you cluck like a chicken for hours..."
Your thinking this might have been a huge waste of time...
It might have been...
Have you learned nothing from this though? Even if it isn't with your H, don't you think you have learned how to be a better partner in any future realtionships from this book? Or the ideas here on the board?
If you honestly don't think you have changed at all if your perceptions haven't been altered a little...then yeah...I guess this might be a waste of your time.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 04/29/0808:02 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
That is exactly what I said Allison when they told me it's more about me. The book doesn't state that. But I guess that's marketing for you. Too bad it doesn't have a money back guarantee huh?
I think you'll find you have achieved something during all of this. You have improved areas of yourself, your family, etc. You've shown your family a M is a serious commitment and not to be taken lightly and to not just throw in the towel either. You've shown all of these things.
Sorry because I didn't want you to think I was stepping on toes or whatnot. I'm honored to have said the same thing as you though since you're quite wise. I think I'm learning the DB way more and more. I know I know finally! :)~
