To agree to a D or not..... that is the question

[ACJ]

Well going to uni rather than staying at home being miserable was a good move. My fellow students are so supportive. I had requested a meeting with my tutor as I am so far behind and the final deadline is looming at the end of May. Thankfully we came to an arrangement that has at least made me think it is possible to get to the end of this particular tunnel.

When I got home D18 had cooked my tea which was a nice surprise. The house was a tip, especially the kitchen, but hey there was a hot meal waiting for me as I walked in the door.

Another surprise was the S15 is here. He came yesterday at lunchtime too. I'd TMd this morning saying it would be better for him not to come at lunch time today as I was at uni. I don't
want him to get into the habit of coming home at lunch time just to use my phone to call his mates and me have another massive phone bill. I didn't tell him this of course! Anyway I digress. He was here this evening. D18 had invited him for tea and he had willingly agreed so that was good. He apparently was disappointed that I was home later than he expected me to be but iit was b/c we finished later at uni today and I had to catch a later train home.

After I had spoken to H last night I was conscious that the girls knew what had happened and I wasn't sure if H would tell S15 and I didn't want him to feel like his feelings didn't count. I was also conscious however that it was getting on for 11pm by this time and I didn't know if he would be in bed. So I sent him a TM telling him what had happened and told him I was sorry for letting him down (no 2x4s please this is genuinely how I feel). He didn't reply but he told me tonight that he was a little upset and that H had offered to talk to him if he wanted. He apparently declined. Somebody made a comment about H celebrating and S15 said 'Well he isn't yet'

He then told me something very astonishing. He said he got the impression last night from H that H didn't believe what I was saying b/c I was so upset! WTF. Why would he think I would phone him to tell him that and not mean it? It's not like I have told him before I would agree to a D and then retracted it. Anyway there it is.

Thank you for all your support over the last couple of days. I'm still of a mind to leave as 'finding me' wasn't my motivation for coming here. To be honest I feel a little cheated that despite following the 'programme' so well it has not produced the desired results. That is something I will have to come to terms with. If I can't then I will need to leave.