Thanks everyone for the support. I'm going to continue to need it. My husband is not thanking me, he is sad/mad at me and himself for allowing this to happen. He is good about not "lording it over" me, but the pain is in his eyes at times, and he can't hide it.
I will have the book, After the Affair, in my hands today hopefully. I'm hoping this will help us.
The funny thing is I don't feel my H not trusting me really. The issues that we are dealing with is the fact that I had the A at all, that he feels stupid for not knowing for 2 years, the anger/sadness he feels about me being with someone else, the fact that he did nothing to change things the past 2 years.
I am feeling love towards my H more than ever. I want to be with him now, rather than coming up with reasons to leave the house. When he is not with me I still think of OM and how it would be so easy to call him (I could find a way, payphone if I wanted) and how great I would feel so quickly. I think about the pain he is going through, too. I know I need to focus on H, and I am, and I know this is what I want, but I am going through withdrawels still and I realize this. It doesn't take much: a tv show that has something on it that reminds me of him, a song, a certain food, a joke that I know he would find funny, etc. I try not to think about it, because I know I am "feeding the dog". It is still hard. I still find myself looking for his car as I drive. I can feel it is a little better, though. SOmeone told me that it takes 3 good weeks to get over it and I have only just stopped looking at my phone and messages, etc. So it is probably only 1-2 days of my 3 weeks. I no longer am wanting the OM, just feeling sad about it all....does this make sense?
Last night when H came home he scared me because I was in the office and didn't hear the garage door. I've been cleaning and organizing like a madwoman to keep myself busy. After my initial surprise he comes rushing in and picks me up off the floor, and I wrap my legs around him and we hug and laugh. God, it was sooo nice. He says, "How's my wife?" OMG I have missed this sooo much. He is being very affectionate with me knowing that this is what has been lacking our whole marriage. He is changed and is continually changing. We are going to be ok. Just need time.
My son is the happiest I have ever seen him. This just makes me so mad that I wasted 2-3 years of our family's life. But, it also makes me so happy that I woke up and made the right choice.
Hopeful4her, from what I read in your situation, your wife will be where I am and if she doesn't get there, she will regret it the rest of her life. The fact she cries at church and how she is with you at times....just points in the direction of what she wants....it is just that pull from the OM that is so strong and clouds her decision making. She feels that she will never feel this way again if she comes back to you. I am praying for you. I have a feeling she will get there.
