Just Honest..

[Cinderellaman]

HI Kiki,

Know EXACTLY how you feel.......

((((((((hugs)))))))))))

[kikifree]

Thanks Cinders.

I know i am not alone here.

(((hugs))) to you , dear.

My LONG timeline: For those who don’t understand me:


Summer 2005: Bomb , h moved out after 2 weeks of not speaking to me

October 2005: Found out about affair..H said it was nothing

November 2005- December 2006 H said he was not with anyone and was confused
Still sleeping together

February 2006- H filed..said we could remarry

December 2006- H said he was thinking of coming back but I ruined it

January 2007- became meaner…..but still had a friendship
A little flirting in between
October 2007: h said OW had to move in for financial reasons

Everything down hill from there

February 2008- h became nice when he thought I was going to settle….asked if I was dating, etc..

February 2008- present-

H has been very distant ..not even acquaintances
Farthest he has ever been..

June 2008 court date

[Nutty Chick]

I no longer hold anger towards him.

Does he know that?

I am not angry with my H.. But he thinks I am.
I often wonder if it is a case of him being angry with himself ...

Nutty.

[kikifree]

Hey Nutty, He knows it but refuses to believe it ..the way I see it.

It must be a case of being angry with himself.

[Grace_O]

It must be a case of being angry with himself.

We can all be pretty good at projecting our own stuff onto others.

[cat03]

He knows it but refuses to believe it .

They harbor so many conflicting emotions, stbx always thinks I want the worst for him and that I dont' want to talk to him, covering all his bases in case I want to screw him up legally/financially. The goodness and trust in them is gone, so they think the worst no matter how many times we could tell them we don't harbor hate.

[kikifree]

That is such a good point Cat.

I just had a coversation wit hH and I am the wicked witch..but he is not angry....?????

H was very hostile..

Says..he is not angry..


Told me I need to get a court order if I want to see his apartment.

I can have the address but cannot step fot in it. He said I could before.

When I said that to him he said we are not on those terms anymore.

H said that I cannot meet OW. After the divorce , I can. He also said what makes you think she wants to meet you...

H said out of the blue..we are not getting along or bein friends untl after the divorce.

I told H this was not about him about D7. I want peace for all of us.

H said it is all about me....I can become a stalker if I want...

So after three years, he isnt angry.

[kikifree]

That is such a good point Cat.

I just had a coversation wit hH and I am the wicked witch..but he is not angry....?????

H was very hostile..

Says..he is not angry..


Told me I need to get a court order if I want to see his apartment.

I can have the address but cannot step fot in it. He said I could before.

When I said that to him he said we are not on those terms anymore.

H said that I cannot meet OW. After the divorce , I can. He also said what makes you think she wants to meet you...

H said out of the blue..we are not getting along or bein friends untl after the divorce.

I told H this was not about him about D7. I want peace for all of us.

H said it is all about me....I can become a stalker if I want...

So after three years, he isnt angry.

[kikifree]

HE HATES ME!!!!!!

Just thoughtI would add that!!

[Lissie]

UM

Breathe.

First of all. Don't let his actions make you react.

Now is the time you bit that tonge till you taste blood.

Trust me.

They become bullies.

You were mad that your D saw the skank. Understandable. So you reacted, I want to meet the skank, I want to know where you live, and so forth.

While your mouth if moving, I know those words are coming out of your mouth, but that is not what he heard.

He heard. You are a looser and a cheater. (or something along those lines, that pushes his guilt button)

SOOOOOOOOO

You are going to detach. You are not detached. B/c these stupid words that are coming out of his mouth, are actually pushing your buttons now.

And when I read what he wrote It makes me laugh. Javier used to be the same way. I would cry, b/c he was so mean.

Blech, never again.

Also, if a certain date was coming up, Javier would turn to a monster.

I would have an X on the calendar, for specific dates. Cuz, I knew the spew was coming.

So listen chickie. Let it roll off your back.

I know easier said than done. It has been long enuff, with him being a devil, and you reacting.

For most people now would be the time to Stand their ground, and talk back.

But not when they are bullies. Now you need to zip the lip.

Stop worrying about these things, let things unfold. Do not continue the fight, he will see that when you don't "fight" back (and to him, you are fighting back) he will have no one to blame but himself.

HUGS