Peace, Thanks for the clarification and compliment. I know my H can see the changes. He's just SO scared that they are not permanent or he just doesn't have the energy to try. He may be thinking "Why should I try? I already tried and it didn't work. Why should the marriage work now?"
I am praying for God to guide me for my next step and for him to show what He needs me to do for my M.
I have been entertaining some options and trying to figure out if those ideas are God-sent or not. This is tough to figure out. I am going to journal tonight about the R talk and last interaction with my H. It seems that my work on my M takes up almost all of my energy and time and I don't seem to be spending much on my housework at all.
I wish my H can see that I am not desperate at all. I love him and am standing for my M out of love for him and out of obedience to God. I have turned down several date offers because I am standing for my M.
I saw "27 Dresses" - good movie but it did make me cry. It made me think of my H.
You mentioned that your h has come a little closer to you than last year. It seems like some move at a snails pace. It sounds like your h is still really unsure of himself but from what you say in your posts it seems like he is working through it slowly.
My h used to always focus on the hard times in our M too and even had told me that he didn't ever see himself back with me in our M. Things change, hang in there and let your h go at his snails pace if that is what it takes.
His dwelling on the bad parts of the M has been there from Day 1 of the S. Except he started thinking of the good parts about 3 months after the S (i.e. for the past 18-19 months). He says our intimacy is 1000x better. I am hoping he's more receptive now to what I have said in our R talk.
He asked me what I did to change and I responded with a few things because I was conscious of time and didn't know how much he'd want to talk.
Today, I thought of sending him an email telling him more fully what I have done to change myself. I also want to apologize for hurting him and my part in the M failing because he brought up the things that hurt him, things I teased during our honeymoon but he took it badly and never forgot. I want to do this so he can let go of the hurt, independednt of our M restoration.
PH Just a thought -what A db coach told me say one thing like if I was going to apologize do it for one thing and be specific to see if it brings any results good luck peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace, Thanks for the thought. I did apologize last week during our R talk. It was for asking him to leave. And guess what? He totally forgot that I even asked him to leave. He forgot because he has been blocking out that day (on which we argued for the very last time). That day really shook him to the core. He hated that day. He even forgot that he sent me an apology email for the argument, etc.
I did email him this evening with my "complete" response to his question. The question was what I did to change myself. I am praying that he takes it in a positive way. He should get the email tomorrow morning at work.
I just finished talking to both my SSs. It was really nice chatting to them. Apparently one of them called my H last night. They still don't know when they are coming up to visit. I know they are looking forward to it, though.
It was a hard day today at work. I did a good job at work. That wasn't it. It was just hard thinking about my H from time to time. I missed him. I also felt God's peace from time to time. I feel like God is showing me that I need to hold on to all the changes I made. I am so glad that I have done the work to change and am conscious of keeping the changes.
peace, Thanks for the thought. I did apologize last week during our R talk. It was for asking him to leave. And guess what? He totally forgot that I even asked him to leave. He forgot because he has been blocking out that day (on which we argued for the very last time). That day really shook him to the core. He hated that day. He even forgot that he sent me an apology email for the argument, etc.
I did email him this evening with my "complete" response to his question. The quetsion was what I did to change myself. I am praying that he takes it in a positive way.
I just finished talking to both my SSs. It was really nice chatting to them. Apparently one of them called my H last night. They still don't know when they are coming up to visit. I know they are looking forward to it, though.
It was a hard day today at work. I did a good job at work. That wasn't it. It was just hard thinking about my H from time to time. I missed him. I also felt God's peace from time to time. I feel like God is showing me that I need to hold on to all the changes I made. I am so glad that I have done the work to change and am conscious of keeping the changes.
Today, my H responded to the email I sent him last evening. In my email, I listed all the things I did to change myself (to be happy), intsead of expecting someone else to make me happy. Iexplained that I wanted to change my life regardless of what happened to us. I explained that I realized blaming others/circumstances leaves me powerless to change my life. Here's his (nice) response: I do not recall asking you that question, but I can honestly see a huge difference in your outlook and attitude. I agree with these things below. I hope you are happier.
You deserve it.
I hope your week also goes well.
Me I am not sure what to think of it, except that it was nice of him to respond. I hoped he'd respond but was prepared for no response. I did not respond because I assumed he didn't expect one. At least, he sounded warm - I think he signs "Me", he's feeling warm towards me.
PH, I don't know how I would take that either. Maybe just call it a good interation and leave it at that.
It's interesting how we judge their mood by the little things like "Me". When W emails me she will say "Hi" if she is not in a great mood or having a bad day. If she is having a good day, I will see "Hello", if she is in a really good mood, I will see "Good Morning" and sometimes a "Talk to you soon" Interstingly, 95% of the time I get "Hi".
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Thanks. Yes, I think we can tell our spouse's mood by what they say/write because we know them best from having a close relationship with them.
I want to share my experience before the email response: I was praying very hard last night and this morning about my H's response and acceptance of the email I sent him last evening. I even walked my dog earlier than usual this morning because I felt God nudging me to pray about it.
After I got back from the doggie walk (and praying), I was still thinking about it and a little anxious and then it was as if God said to me "Trust me and let it go, and imagine your H is happy to get your email". So, I imagined my H being happy and warm towards me. It felt great and peaceful.
When I got to work, checked email - no response. Didn't fret at all. I didn't expect a response even though I hoped for one. At about 10:30am, lo and behold, I got his email response. Thank God!
I am grateful and need to continue to be more and more grateful.
