I really think you are doing the right thing. By letting him go he is there to stand on his own 2 feet not have to worry as much about what you want. I will tell you In my sitch as your probably already know I had to do the same thing with my W I had to let her go and just prayed that she would come back. Lucky for me she did. I believe this is the way that things might be for you. I know that you can do this as I have been following your threads for a long time. You are very strong. Just keep up all this good work good things are happening.
Keep on keeping on! You did very well in letting your H go, even when he offered to stay. It sounds to me like he WILL be back, just as soon as he knows that it's his decision. The complete break from the OW, the jade ring, the promises of exclusivity and to work on your M - that's all so positive.
Now for the loving detachment. Do what you know works. You're gonna make yourself irresistable. The sad and desperate Jeannine makes him want to soothe and comfort, but not stick around for. The confident, somewhat detached Jeannine makes him want to love and be with. It's so hard to do, but you can do it, just as you have in the past. Buck up, you WILL get through this.
Although your H moving out, on the surface, seems like something "bad", I don't really get that sense here at all. Something about his sentiment, his statements to you, the promises of exclusivity, wanting your M to work out "very much" etc.
So despite feeling like you've been abandoned, this might just be the catalyst both of you need to come together in a healthier R. YOU might just discover that you are stronger than you ever knew. More capable of living and having fun without H.
H will likely learn that you ARE becoming a partner who is easy to be with, fun, confident...someone he WANTS to share his life with.
So your task, should you accept it, is to LIVE LIFE fully, socialize, do things you've been putting off, see movies YOU want to see, and keep on becoming YOU!
Shiny
P.S. Oh, honey, if I could only send 15 pounds to you over the internet!
"The sad and desperate Jeannine makes him want to soothe and comfort, but not stick around for. The confident, somewhat detached Jeannine makes him want to love and be with."
Thanks for the reminder. You'd think I'd have that ingrained in my brain by now. I must, must, must keep this in the forefront of my thinking at all times, especially when he is around.
"Oh, honey, if I could only send 15 pounds to you over the internet! "
You always manage to make me crack a smile if not down right laugh outloud. I need that.
I guess something that my H said over the weekend as he was trying to sell me on the idea of his leaving, is beginning to stick out of my neck like a big ugly wart.
He said "I'm really trying hard to make this as easy on you as possible".
Sure that was kind of him, BUT the snively kid in me is saying "see, he's just trying to get rid of you in a way that won't send you diving off a bridge, cause then he'll have to live with guilt for the rest of his days".
As I had stated in a previous post, my H said that he is terrified of what I might do or what I might become if he leaves. So....
I've got to put a lid on that sort of thinking or I'm going to shoot myself in the foot.
Egads, Jeannine! My H KNEW (at least we both thought) that I would be a total wreck if he up and left. I'm talking chronic illness, anxiety disorder, low income...
Yet HE was ready to hop on a plane two days after dropping the bomb!!!
At least you're working with more empathy and care than I was at the time!
Glad I can make you smile, but really, I'm serious about the 15 pounds...Ah, crap, better just sign off and do a workout
I've got to agree here. You know I understand exactly what it feels like to be in the situation you are in right now. Still in it too, by the way.
It has been extremely difficult for me to live through this part of the process--but I do have to admit that it definatly has helped my H get his head screwed back on straight. It sounds like a lot of the the same reasoning for moving out too. Don't panic, I've got to agree with Shinybear, you're getting a great deal of reassurance from your H and he sounds like he's being open and honest with you.
I hope he gets a good Counselor while going through this part.
Crud. What a weekend to be away from the boards. I see that many of your BB friends have circled you and offered up comfort.
Ah....I'm so sorry that your h. feels as though he had to leave in order to find himself. I am grateful, though, for his honesty with you, his conscious offering of fidelity and trust, his sharing of his feeling with you -- that he sees the changes you have made (calm) and needs to feel as though they are lasting, that he still feels himself to be giving in at times and he knows he needs to shore himself up, that it is you (not ow) that he wants.
I suspect you are doing a balancing act right now -- battling your abandonment issues (that I KNOW so WELL) and keeping your DB cap screwed on tightly...I know that it's not easy but I also know that you will persevere. While your h. is off growing, you'll be growing, too -- because you will have stared your "don't leave me" demon square in the eye and realized that you will be ok.
I have the strongest sense that your h's leaving is actually his very conscious way of coming back to you.
Do everything that you can to take care of you. Give your h. the space that he needs (I know you will). Brian's advice is great (and I took it for myself, too!) -- confident beats needy any day.
I'm sorry that you and h. are going through this.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
