H called son last night....he was at the gym working out....he has to be buff ya know....anyway....tried to get some sleep but woke up about 15 times...grrrrrrrrrrr.............
ok so far today...but it's early...I think being busy here at work is helping...will have to see H tonight at son's bball game...
any suggestions?????
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Look good and if you just want minimal contact, (like "Hi, how are you? You look good" (if he does and you want to say it). keep it minimal. To some extent the amount of contact you have is up to you. If you start getting upset or anything starts slipping, excuse yourself.
I want him to come to his senses but since that is not going to happen....I really don't expect anything.....I'm sure he'll avoid me...
I think I finally figured out what he is planning for future.... I was reading on line about divorce/separation and as long as you haven't lived with the person for a year you can get the divorce...so, I'm sure his OW is feeding that to him...if he stays away it will be easier....then can I still contest it if I want to...Can I ask him what his plans are?? or should I just leave it alone? Probably not give him any ideas....he had told me a while ago that he was reading on line about separation...every time I think about it it makes me sick to my stomach...I don't want to be divorced....
HHHHhhhhhhhhhh............
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
OK, this is going to sound shallow, but why does everyone on this board besides me seem to LOSE weight while stress makes me GAIN? I know we are all in pain and I am not diminishing anyone's sadness. My sitch has made me less interested in exercise, much more interested in wine and cheese and chocolate and comfort foods. So I have put on a few pounds. If I'm going to feel this crappy, I wish weight loss went along with it for me!
LMG - I'm there with you. There are days---like the days I get the D e-mail where I can't eat, but it goes away, and I make up for it. I now weigh more than I ever thought I could when not pregnant.............things have to change.
Treese - I get stuck on all the things you are stuck on too. I never really thought about or worried about my future, because I thought I would be growing old with H. I can also remember when one of my girls was very little being asked if "you and daddy" would ever get divorced, and I said NO WAY. I can't imagine being divorced either..................
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Been away from my thread for a few days....trying to keep busy..NOT WORKING!!!
Trying to go dim and I'm not doing bad....but I see H quite a bit because of S10 and baseball....
Thursday I had emailed H to see if it would be "possible" for him to pick us up for the game as it was quite a distance away and gas at 3.50 a gallon is a waste for both of us to drive...he emailed me back and told me he had planned on doing that...well, he didn't mention it to me...anyway we drove out together, small talk, and watched the game...drove home....he came in for a sec and then I saw him getting a light bulb and asked what he was doing...he said, "light buld in out in the coach light"...so I just said okay and walked upstairs...did not say goodbye..
Friday....he had a meeting with his boss about his job...yep, it changed...no money change or anything so that's a positive...for now...s10 had another game and he called and said he was going to have to meet us there....fine...it was raining...H came over to say a few words during the game...he is a coach...we left and i asked if he was coming by and he said he had to go back to work...I said okay and left...he called me on the way home and said sons games were at 11 & 1 the next day....he had a class so I was going to have to take son...I told H I needed him to stay with son on Saturday night as I was going away...he said fine..
Saturday.....games cancelled...rain....so I worked on senior video...H called after class and asked what time I was leaving and I said 7ish...he showed up at 6:59...how's that for avoiding me.....I left, asked him to look at my blind in the bedroom and we were talking about different things in the house and he said, "yeah, we have to replace that sometime"...I let it go but he was saying a few things with the word "WE"...maybe habit...probably but I liked hearing it....I went out with friends who were trying to fix me up but I didn't want to be fixed up so we ended up eating and drinking and I arrived home at 11:45...H was sitting on the couch...He said he was tired, and I said you could have stretched out on the couch...then he said he was going home to go to sleep....that kind of hurt cause this is his home....how can he say that's his home...home is where love and your heart is....I just let it go and went to bed..thanked him for coming....
it feels as though now we are just exisiting.....he's doing fine without me....seems very happy and content....I am still holding on to hope that it's a show and he misses us...
OH, he did come by the house on Thursday and cut the grass again...did not go in to the house but cut it again...I didn't ask...I had mentioned the weekend before that I didn't want him coming over so much because it was too hard for me to watch him drive away every time (I know bad dbing)...he seems to want to jump in his car at the very sight of me and leave....after I said that he got in his car, said nothing, and drove away...didn't ever look back....I cried for 2 hours after that...it is hard to watch them drive away every time...and I do try not to let it bother me but darn it....I MISS HIM SO MUCH....no just the intimate part but the conversation, the smile, the soft touch on the hand....I MISS IT ALL!! and probably will never see it again....
I'm pretty sure he is done....after all he says he's trying to do this all in steps....well, I wish I knew what step i'm in...I'm sure he is thinking about the money....etc...
Sorry for the long post.....just had to vent...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I know it is hard Treese. I see a lot of familiar feelings from you in your threads and you need a place to vent and express what you are feeling. It is devastating. I don't know if it is true that men generally handle this different but I have found that by moving on myself (being done too) that I have more strength, peace and happiness in my life. It also seems to have the opposite effect on my W. The more I pull away, the more normal she seems. Although it is too late for our M, it is goood for the kids and our friendship.
And I know a mother whose doctor-husband had an affair, divorced her to marry OW, and she has gained a lot of weight, too.
Some of us gain without even eating........I am beginning to lose weight now but in the beginning, yes, I did gain weight.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I know it is hard but try and take the focus off of your H and focus more on you and your kids and start doing things with them or things you did not normally do with your husband that you are able to do now.
If your H wants to cut your grass or whatever, let him!
Be still and seek comfort in prayer, a church, with friends, etc.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I seem to be going backwards instead of forward.....I am involved in creating a senior video that includes 1500 pictures so I'm a little stressed right now on top of dealing with H....
I had talked to him last night after him knowing my son was being picked up by my aunt and then my mom was picking him up and taking him to her house...so I could get my hair done...grrrrr....H didn't even offer to get him...so I talked to him on my way home from getting my hair done and my son wanted to go to a baseball game and I told son I would call his dad to see if he could take him and son said what's the point he won't take me...when I talked to H he said just that..."I am at work, I can't take him I told him I would take him to Reds game...he need s to learn NO"....I told H I have been telling him no...he has had to go everywhere with me because I have no one to watch him.. After I picked up son he was sad and I started to tear up and told him I was doing the best I can....
I'm exhausted, I"m trying to be mom, dad and everything in between..while H swirls around in his "happy", no responsibility of a life....he lives 3 lives and is having the time of his life...
He was to be at the house at 6:45 this morning to take son to school because D15 had to be at school early...well, he called at 6:45 to say he was on his way...then I got mad....I said why are you so late, he said,"i got up and was geting ready",, I said, "it only takes 10 minutes to get here from your sisters, you didn't stay there last night did you"...and as I said it, I knew I shouldn't have...he wasn't happy...arrived at 6:55...we were late....he wanted me to leave son alone until he got there and son didn't want to stay alone....H was not happy about that either...so, bad dbing first thing in the morning....but I'm STRESSED, big time...he avoids me, doesn't say hello at the bball games, and it is embarrassing sometimes....
So, I need to learn how to not let him control how I feel...to just do what I need to do....but I need help...and he has no right to get angry with me....people at work say they are so impressed with how I don't get in his face and scream and yell...I just bite my tongue the majority of the time....it's with the help of all of you who get me through it.....
Am I totally wrong?? I did backslide....how do I get back? or do I just act like nothing happened?
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
