I have no social network outside of the bb and I deeply appreciate each and every one the people here. I really don't know what I would do without you all.
"I can relate to your H not wanting to cave"
I was hoping to hear from a man's perspective on this very issue. I think that he has felt for too long that he has been giving into me, bending to my will in a way.
We had a long discussion on Saturday night about his tendency to cave in to what I want in certain areas. He now realizes that over these past years, it was his choice not to speak up. He chose not to have dialogue and work toward consensus, rather instead he would immediately give up and become bitter and take the attitude that I wasn't allowing him to have an opinion even though I often requested it. We discussed how his mother had been a dictator in his formative years and how that has impacted his ability to take responsiblity for his part of what should be a shared process. I really think that we have made a breakthrough in that respect.
"it's important to me that if she stays or goes it's her decision "
Yes, I know what you mean. Saturday night as we were lying in bed, I was having a rather difficult time with my usual batch of fears, when suddenly my H said "I'm not leaving". I told him that if he was changing his mind because of the pain I was experiencing, that he should stick with going. I reminded him that I had agreed to his leaving and that unless he was now choosing to stay because the plan no longer made sense to him or because he simply did not want to, I felt that he should proceed as planned. I said that I would love to have him stay, but not for the purpose of appeasing me and that ultimately he would resent me for it and that would not make me happy either. I asked him if he still felt strongly about leaving and he said "yes".
