Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

Thanks Steve, MFT and Puppy,

I was totally twisted last night, and still am this morning. On my way to work, I was going through all the scenarios.

1) Do nothing, and begin to detach from W
2) During MC, ask what our goal is here since we are not working on the R - W just wants the elusion that she is working on it - so why are we in MC?
3) Tell W that since she is not playing by the "rules" - contacting L, contacting OM - I am not going to play by the rules and expose A. I am letting her live her fantasy without any consequences.

I know which on Puppy will vote for ;-) but I am really trying to figure this out.

As for L - I feel as if I need to protect myself, what landminds are out there that I should be weary of? I know she wants me out of the house, that isn't going to happen - but what if I do something stupid (I know I am leaving myself open on that one).

I did get up the AM, W did say good morning. When I left, I said good bye. She is having dinner with one of mutual friends, so I get to play with the kids - maybe go hit the movies or something.

I have got to STOP playing the victim, this I get, my mood swings are vicsous - and if you would have read what I read, you would think there is no hope... Hope is what I have been holding onto, hope is slowly slipping away from my fingertips.