You're very welcome. I thought about you over the weekend, knowing full well what you must be going through.
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For myself, I had a very difficult weekend. Last week after my meltdown on Monday, I spent the next three days being the perfect DBer. My H had noticed too and seemed to respond positively.
Then on the morning of the 4th, my H sat me down and told me that he was moving into our other house and that he would only be able to give me two days a week of his time.
He said that he really liked how relaxed and easy I was to be around of late and that it made him feel good. However, he noticed himself starting to turn inside as he felt himself giving in and that he would explode if he once again failed to stand firm and do what he had set out to do.
He also said something about not having the confidence that the changes he's been seeing will last.
He had gotten himself a jade ring while he was in Alaska and up until then he had not shown me the matching ring he had gotten for me as well. He handed my ring over and said that it was a token to go with his promise to be faithful and exclusive to me and that he hoped that I would be faithful and exclusive to him as well.
He said that he wants to work on himself and that he needs to stop feeling trapped.
I had a terrible time dealing with the reality of the situation, felt like I was living in slow motion. But I eventually did what I knew I had to and told him that he was right, I agreed and that he should leave.
I could see him melt with relief and felt the flood gates of his pent up anguish open.
I also warned him that I would go through a whole gamut of emotions over the weekend and to bare with me.
He said that he is going to work on being a better H and that I might be pleasantly surprised by the changes.
It appears that he can't accomplish this while living here with me.
He said that he feels a little more hopeful than he used to, about getting to the place where he will want to live with me and stay in the marriage. I asked him how badly did he want to succeed in making this all work in favor of our marriage. He replied "very badly".
He took some of his personal belongings and our two four-legged kids with him Sunday at 5pm and drove off. It was a very painful moment for me as I stood watching my little family going away.
Except for the usual disruptions from my Mom and her H, I suddenly found myself in a big house all alone with only the sound of my own heart pounding against my chest.
We will be sharing our dogs.
I don't know how long this arrangement will last nor what the final outcome will be and neither does my H.
I do know that I'm in for a tough time. My fear of abandonment has been rubbed hard and a blister has formed.
