... the gym i go to is near his house and there are times when i drive by without him seeing me...
I've done that too...in the past. You need to stop that. It doesn't help you. It's kind of like reliving what you want or similar to spying, in that whatever you see/learn will not help you. It will only hurt you. Just seeing the place hurts me. So many little things I'd like to do. But it doesn't help. Until my W is willing, then it is just a test of torture. Even when I see that the place is a mess and she has not moved on, it still doesn't make me feel good...just thoughts.
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...a msg that i am done, that may motivate him, i have no clue really...
i've had that kind of thought before...but I always come back to the thought that the "shock" of it might not be a big deal to my W. It might be exactly what they want and you'll not get the response you want. They way you say it makes me feel as if you "want" something, hoping for a change of heart by his reaction. If you did something like that, you would have to be ready for the other choice that is available to him.
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okay now if he does show up at my door, what am i to do, be cool, listen to what he says and then?
listen more...talk less play it cool. Don't be needy. Get a feel for where he is at. He might pursue you. He might want to see what is up...sounds like he is checking things out...reflecting anyhow. Listen...you won't learn anything while you are talking...
