Hi a new 2moro, Maybe your H needs some more time and maybe also some space to get OW out of his life.
Believe me, I know how hard it is to be patient! Hopefully, it will not take too long for your H to finally be able to sever the tie. Take care. ((HUGS))
It's the lack of intimacy that meks me think htere is still something going on. If however your SL was pretty infrequent before all this OW business cropped up I am probably way off mark.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
it was good before MLC, but i could tell he was beginning to have problems.....took more oral stimulation...limper. but it still was good. like i said he used to say all those things about me that he said to her. so i wonder too. he says he doesnt see her, hasnt talked to her, ISNT sleeping with her....ive learned to be very direct in my questions. maybe he has an std. he doesnt want to talk about the sex part. all i can get is "im afraid" and "Im not having sex with anyone" we did try once last fall...it was a flop...literally.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Would patience and understanding work? Is there a way to settle yourself and wait for his return?
If the situation is too uncomfortable for you, then would you consider making a change? Or if it is uncomfortable, but still tolerable, maybe you can wait and see. Let time take its course.
I was in that situation with my wife and was content to wait wait wait. Wait for a loooong while. I decided I did not need my dream marriage, right away. I decided that calm and lack of open contempt was ok, for the time being. And even now I would do it again.
The truth was, though, that I only thought i was in the situation where "she was not responding to me." In reality she was still dating her boyfriend, calling him, writing him, and not calling me. In reality she had full contempt for me and the marriage. She had made clear unequivocal promises to me and was breaking them (again). When she last promised to me that she would cease contact, I believed her, but promised myself that if this were another deception, it would be the last one. No more chances. This was not a threat to her, but a silent commitment to myself. So when I learned of her further deception, I told her this is no marriage for me. In the end, she told me herself that she had been lying again to me. I never asked her. She just couldn't keep it in.
I still think that waiting was the right move, for me, at that time. and I think that drawing the line and staying firm on it, was also the right move, at that time. (Subsequently, though, I left the house, which was a huge mistake. I should have stayed and forced the sale of the house while we were both in it.)
I am not telling you this story to suggest your H is lying to you. I am telling you this story to tell you, that when my wife made the "I have stopped all contact" assurances to me, I willingly believed her. I trusted her. I did not snoop. I did not question. I did not pressure her for sex (there was none). I put on a happy face and thanked the Lord for another chance in my marriage. I waited. I did the best I could do. It didn't work out but it still seems like the right path.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Just me, but right now I don't think I'd take anything he says at face value.
The first time FW came home he was still seeing OW behind my back. Meeting her in secret, etc. and told me that he wasn't. Swore up and down that he hadn't seen her.
I totally and completely believed him. Didn't have a clue until he came clean when he came home this time.
I don't want to discourage you in any way, but I do want you to be open to the possibility that he's still seeing her.
I'm with Saffie, I lean toward him seeing her more than I lean toward no contact with her.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
WELL I KNOW...BUT HOW CAN I GET HIM TO BE HONEST W/ME? I GET IM NOT..DONT WORRY ABOUT IT....ARGHHHH...THE LYING IS WORSE THAN THE BETRAYAL. I PRETTY MUCH TOLD HIM HE HAS AN ISSUE HES NOT SOLVING AND HE NEEDS TO SEE A C.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Hi sweetness, I'm so sorry that you don't know what he's up to...I have to say, that it seems he may be hiding stuff from you. Be still, be patient...but be aware !
Take care sweetness ! x
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
