What a night for you. Oh, God I remember them soooo well. The emotions flying, the words cutting like knives, the accusations, the things we NEVER guessed! the despair, arrrggghhhh!
Hey you ended up in bed TOGETHER, on more than one level! That's Good!
Jeannine, although My H now says that his feelings toward me started changing (for the better) in December, I saw NONE of that while he continued to lie to me and "see" OW.
It's a big deal for them to end things "for real" (and REALLY hard for us to trust that it IS over!!!)
Perhaps your H's response of "no, not really" to your query about his feelings about ending it is similar to my H's. He was RELIEVED that it was finally over. That he didn't have to sneak around and cover his traces. Can you imagine how exhausting and soul-tainting all of that must be???
It sounds to me like your H now KNOWs that OW is NOT the answer and is just floored by what he's done. He probably doubts (as my H did) that you could EVER forgive him this time. That's a large part of the reason CJ DIDN'T tell me he was still in touch with OW. Silly Goober!
I still feel a lot of hope in your sitch. H sounds uncertain, depressed, hopeless at the moment. My H has been there and bounced back!!!
NOW is the time to be there for him, let him know (as you are already doing) that this doesn't mean "the end". That he doesn't HAVE to be certain about your R right now. That there's no RUSH to DO anything, except perhaps explore what got you where you are, and DO stuff that brings you both joy.
The night CJ and I returned from our 2nd C (disastrous) only days after I found out that OW WASN't out of the picture for the previous 3 months as I'd been told (lied to, over and over and over)...I stood in the kitchen, shaking and lost. Then thought: Ah, hell we need to eat, right?
So I whipped up a great dinner (KNOWING H loves my cooking), cracked a bottle of wine and we had something resembling a "normal" dinner.
Now mind you, I had NO idea at the time if CJ was leaving, when, he had NO hope for us, heck the counsellor kept pressing us about suicide hotlines!!!
I'll check in with you, J, my prayers are with you. Any specific questions? Post me!!!!!
the despair, arrrggghhhh!
That's Good!
