Piecing or NOT....III

[SirPrizeMe]

Would patience and understanding work?
Is there a way to settle yourself and wait for his return?

If the situation is too uncomfortable for you, then would you consider making a change? Or if it is uncomfortable, but still tolerable, maybe you can wait and see. Let time take its course.

I was in that situation with my wife and was content to wait wait wait. Wait for a loooong while. I decided I did not need my dream marriage, right away. I decided that calm and lack of open contempt was ok, for the time being. And even now I would do it again.

The truth was, though, that I only thought i was in the situation where "she was not responding to me." In reality she was still dating her boyfriend, calling him, writing him, and not calling me. In reality she had full contempt for me and the marriage. She had made clear unequivocal promises to me and was breaking them (again). When she last promised to me that she would cease contact, I believed her, but promised myself that if this were another deception, it would be the last one. No more chances. This was not a threat to her, but a silent commitment to myself. So when I learned of her further deception, I told her this is no marriage for me. In the end, she told me herself that she had been lying again to me. I never asked her. She just couldn't keep it in.

I still think that waiting was the right move, for me, at that time. and I think that drawing the line and staying firm on it, was also the right move, at that time. (Subsequently, though, I left the house, which was a huge mistake. I should have stayed and forced the sale of the house while we were both in it.)

I am not telling you this story to suggest your H is lying to you. I am telling you this story to tell you, that when my wife made the "I have stopped all contact" assurances to me, I willingly believed her. I trusted her. I did not snoop. I did not question. I did not pressure her for sex (there was none). I put on a happy face and thanked the Lord for another chance in my marriage. I waited. I did the best I could do. It didn't work out but it still seems like the right path.