RTL, Good to hear your weekend went well. I too had my S for the weekend, first time since November. I too had trouble letting him go to his mother but that is how things will be for the time being.
Fight for as much time as you can get with your D. All children need a father in their lives. I as well feel it is a no brainer on being involved but face the scorn of my X because it shows that she is no longer in control. Do not worry about that, enjoy the time you do have and take it a day at a time.
I can understand where you are at. I too was there and have moved on and I can tell you things will get better. Take care of yourself, your D, and cherish the time you do have. Eventually, when they make decision for themselves, you efforts will not be overlooked.
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
I'm so glad to hear you had time w/ your boy. I know it has been hard on you, as I miss my D when she's away, but you especially have had it rough. I'm so happy for you. It doesn't make it any easier, but it is so wonderful to spend whatever time we can w/ our children.
I'm never going to waver on my belief that D needs me in her life as much as possible. Any child needs both parents. Period. If my W can't see that, then she's more blind than I originally believed. As with your W, I strongly feel W's "possession play" of D has more to do w/ control and payback then it has to do w/ what is best for D.
I know D will see what I've done in the long run. It is going to be tough to get there, but she'll see me and always know me for who I really am.
I'm going to continue to hope that more days w/ your S will be coming in the very near future.
Well, I dropped off D this morning and I was a bit sad as she said "I'll see you in a few days, Dada." She kind of struggled through this b/c she didn't know when she was going to see me next. She wasn't upset, but she was searching for the right thing to say and that made me so sad to see her struggling so much as well. Why can't W see this too? I guess it's b/c she doesn't want to see it.
Anyway, I came to work and things were fine. Around 1, I noticed W had sent two texts, the first at 9:50 and the 2nd at 12:00. Both said the same thing: "I may need a favor. Can u text?" I repled to her when I got her texts asking what she needed and she called right away to tell me she had a "major migraine," she didn't go to work, and didn't think she could drive to get D. I told her I'd take D gladly and asked if there was anything I could do for her. She said she'd let me know and thanked me sincerely twice. I'll call at the usual 7:30 if we don't hear from her, but there is ZERO way I'm passing up time w/ D.
So, I'll be off to get D shortly and we'll hang out again today. I gave her some new "Kim Possible Kimmunicator Walkie-Talkies" today, so we can play w/ them tonight or maybe go for a bike ride or something. I'm excited to be w/ her, but I do hope W feels better.
The big question in my head is, why the migraine today? What caused her so much stress? Wishful thinking has me hoping her seeing me behaving well this weekend had something to do w/ it, the guilt is rushing out, or the OM showed his true colors and maybe got caught (literally) w/ his pants down. I know I can't speculate on why, but it makes me wonder a bit.
Regardless of the why, I won't be changing my actions as they are working a teeny, tiny bit to put some thaw on the ice queen. If this is the galatial pace we'll be working at, I may be retired before we can show signs of getting back together, but I'm willing to be patient, work on me, be a good daddy and see what happens. Other than that, there ain't much I can control about W, so I won't try.
I do find it interesting the migraine hit today. It just seems weird.
Got to go get my little gal. I'll tell more when I get the chance.
RTL, First of all you are doing a superhuman job of deflecting you W"s anger and attacks. I think I see tiny little positive changes as well, and each positive interaction builds on the next. As far as the migraine goes , it was either from stress or too much wine. But the important thing is that when she needed help with D she turned to you, the father. This bodes very well for the future. Underneath all her accusations against you, when it comes down to it, she goes to you . I think this means deep down she really does not want you out of D's life and does trust you to be a good parent. Sometimes actions speak much louder than words , or lawyers. Have fun with D tonight.
RTL, I second what Bizarre had to say. Keep working on you, your focus is in the right place. Take advantage of the opportunities to spend extra time with D. I am in the same mindset as you, children need their fathers involved as much as possible.
Keep up the god work, you will be better off in the long run...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
RTL - I hate to play devils advocate, but as wishful thinking it is to be thinking that OM is dumping W and is the cause for her migraine, you also cant get your expectations up to high. Just be prepared for her to possibly cross back over to the dark side. If she does, just dont let it get you down. There will be ups and downs on this journey of waiting for your W to return from being totally taken over by the dark side.
Hey RTL! I caught up at last.. WOW, well done at the party! You are a DB pro! Sounds like you did an excellent job, being calm, relaxed, sociable (which is more than can be said for your W by the sounnds of it) and making an effort with her friends. I'm glad it went well, for you, and for your D 's sake because it could have been very different.
I agree with you that the "lint picking" is a baby step and an unconsious action on her part...you only do that stuff to someone you care about. I have to say, my BF has never picked lint off me since we split !! But I have done it to him! Maybe its a woman thing? But yes, its what I call a "leaker" - something leaked out of her, regardless of what she says.
I agree that dont get your hopes up yet... but it IS positive that she texts you asking for help when she has a migraine. I guess she is just struggling with the enormity and responsibility of being a single mum with a D to take care of alot of the time? It is really unfair about hte phonecalls.. you said something about does she not realise how it hurts you to not say goodnight to your D but you would tell her this.. well I think you should! Keep it business like and friendly, but you should address this with her.. please dont forget the night time calls, it is veru important for me and for Grace that we get to say goodnight to one another? Just remind her of this responsibility to you. dont let her get away with it?
Thanks for your wise words on my thread, you are a big help to me, telling it like it is!! I take it all in, so thankyou,
Ali x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I would stop any thoughts reagrding why she has a migraine today or why she behaves like this. The way your attitude has to be consistent , hers has to be more so if we are to draw any conclusions about it. So far she has been "crazy". I would not be surprised if tomorrow she had another one of her familiar "fits". Yes, it does seem to me as well, that her anger is not as it used to be, but you have to sit and wait and see if this is a change in trend or just a one time thing because she needed your help.
You are becoming a better person every day. You sound so much different than you used to. I am glad and proud of you. Your D is a lucky girl to have you.
RTL, you are still working it. Good to hear. I took a little break from this forum but here I am checking in again.
Patience with yourself and your wife is called for. Patience, patience.
I know it is hard to be away from your daughter. I know what it is like because I have that situation forced upon me as well. And it is hard, very hard. The enforcement of that restriction is what drove me to take a break from the board. But I have found some hope and am now getting a new place and I'm determined to make it great for me and for my kids. I will make the best of it.
I know you will find the best path, too. It's not your ideal situation now, but you can and will make the best of it, I know.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
