Well things went well on Friday when I picked my H up at the airport.
I brought along my cheerleaders with me and pulled them out whenever I started to get jittery. It really did help, Tal. You guys had on little kick skirts and sweaters with the letter W on them. I never questioned why I visualized the letter "W" until now. I guess it stands for "wife"?
Anyway, as soon as my H saw me, he came over with a big smile and said "you look delicious" and gave me a really nice kiss. As we wait for his luggage to show up, we exchanged some pretty passionate kisses. On the way home we stopped at an East Indian restaurant and he sat beside me in our booth and pulled me close to him and there was much touching.
H had gotten a tattoo while in Alaska, it was a pattern that his father had drawn before he died and H had it transferred onto his lower leg. He said that it was a memorial to his Dad. (It's odd that he did this as he barely gave his father the time of day when he was alive. Guilt maybe?) He wanted to know if I liked it and then began to say something about me having to live with it for the rest of ..... And here is where I cut him off by jumping in too soon with "yes, of course I like it". I'm still stomping myself in the foot for not letting him finish.
Anyway, it was obvious that he was excited to see me again. Let's just say that a week without is a long time for my H, if you know what I mean.
All and all Friday was a very good day and I felt like the beloved wife. However, just as I had feared, things began to sag a little over the weekend.
While H was in Alaska, I had gone over to our house on Parkside, (for those who don't know, we live in my mom's home so that I can take care of her and her husband who have Alzheimer’s) and while I was there, I took the polish dictionary the OW had given him that he had on display and relocated it to a less conspicuous spot. Somehow, having her gifts lying about our home is irritating to me and a constant reminder that he has had her over there in our home where we were married and started our life together and had many happy memories.
So on Saturday, we went to our house on Parkside and he noticed that the dictionary had been moved and got really irritated with me. He simply refuses to accept my reason for moving it out of sight. He claims that it, along with the other things she gave him, are just inanimate objects and that it shouldn't bother me. He said some more hurtful things to me and I got the distinct feeling that those inanimate objects that she had given him mattered plenty to him.
He had brought home gifts for himself, for me and for his co-workers. I had had a bad dream on Saturday morning, which consisted of him having bought her a very expensive pair of fire opal earrings and a matching tie clasp, for himself. I told him about the dream and then asked if he had gotten anything for her. He didn’t say “no”, he just said “I told you, I’ve already burned that bridge”. I have no recollection of his ever having said that, but I do look at his bringing me into his workplace before he left for Alaska, as a powerful statement to that affect.
Anyway, things were no longer on the level of wonderful by Sunday, but then too, he was in a lot of pain from his neck and back.
This morning, he left for work 45 minutes earlier than normal and didn’t seem to have a reason for that. Of course, my mind is spinning “Oh gads, he’s probably going over to see her at her home before they go to work so that he can say “hello” to her in private. Unfortunately, this is not something that I would put past him.
I’m anxiously waiting to find out if H’s boss moved the OW out of his department or not. This could make a big difference in our progress and I think H is nervous over it too. Last night he said that he was feeling a bit anxious because he didn’t know what had happened while he was gone or what to expect after his week long absence.
It’s gong to be a long day for me. Trying to stay hopeful, trying to stay calm.
