I told everyone on the planet when my H filed for D
Sorry, that's an exaggeration. Just family and close friends at an appropriate time. I didn't go out of my way to tell anyone else, but when people asked I didn't hide it. Just facts and, as Our Crisis pointed out, no blaming. That's important. Especially to your daughter.
Something I had once read pointed out that kids subconsciously see themselves as a "product" of both parents, and if one parent is talking about how "bad" another parent is they tend to take this as something bad in themselves. Also, I think it destroys attachment. For example, if you can't trust mom or dad (who previously had been like a superhero) who can you trust? With trust broken early in life many often grow up with trust issues.
You might want to look through some books on this topic if you haven't done so already.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
