Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[CBK]

I took off, thank God I have an air card.

I went to the local church - I have always said, I am spiritual, I don't go to chuch all the time, but I do believe. I am sitting here in so much pain - I am at a loss. I feel no hope, only despair - you are right, I am not detached, I am having a hard time - I get that - but I do't think I can do this another night.

I HATE THIS - I am desperate - I don't know what to do. I feel like crawling under a rock somewhere and just hiding. How can this woman I have loved for so long feel this way? I don't get it. She just wants out. God I need help