By now, you probably realize that I'm different, so I'm not going to say that at all, CBK. My advice to people about snooping is, "Don't do it if you can't handle it." But if you can learn to treat the situation dispassionately, and use the intel as just that -- information from which to make informed decisions -- that it can be helpful for a time.
That really doesn't make a difference, because you did it. What I WILL tell you is, everything your wife is saying is script. Let not your heart be troubled! I know it hurts; I had to listen to audio of my wife making out with her boyfriend, and talking about me calling me an "idiot," and saying "I will never, ever, EVERRRR want to be with him, doesn't he understand that???!" And much, much worse.
She's fogged out.
I do think you should see a lawyer, and know your options.
I do think you should protect your finances. People in affairs often do desperate things.
I will say this, though: part of my strong approach recommendations come from the belief that they actually make you more attractive to the wayward spouse. Especially betrayed men. I'm guessing that your wife doesn't find your "pleasing" behavior attractive, and she is most likely sexually attractive to the OM's strength and assertiveness.
