Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

[FaithfulH]

CBK,

I have been quiet...partially because I don't know if you're listening. Why do you think it is optional....to snoop...or not....to talk about the R....or not....to disclose the affair...or not. You are twisting in the wind right now....Why?...because you are breaking the "rules". You are not detached....you wouldn't snoop if you were. You are hurting deeply....or you wouldn't have been mentally debating whether you should expose the affair.

I have to tell you that I DO see lots of positives in your behaviour...and then you backslide. The good news is that you seem to recognize. But realize that these setbacks are extremely damaging. If you can't get it right when your very marriage and family are on the line...how likely are you to get it right when your marriage is restored? Your W decided that the pain and uncertainty of separation and/or divorce was less than the pain/uncertainty she was experiencing inside the marriage. Don't you get that? So, GET YOUR EYES OFF OF HER...and ON YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR! You are no good to her right now....nor would you be any good to any woman in the condition you are in. I agree with most everything that Sandi wrote....her perspective is VERY valuable. If I had followed all the advice that I received, I would be divorced instead of nearly 1 year into reconciling! Yeah, some told me to throw her out....tell her to pay her own bills...but, I was controlling in the past....I asked God to give me Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-Control....look familiar? Read about the Fruits of the Spirit in the bible. BTW, you need to get good at hearing from God.....your intuition...and OURS....is not enough!

CBK, you CAN do this! Get back on your game, Brother!