I liked your reply. I agree that the business of lying sits squarely on H's shoulders. I've always made it a point to thank my H for answering my questions, even when the answer hurt, and for any volunteered information. I've told him repeatedly that it is better for me to hear the truth, even the unpleasant. I've gone out of my way to make him as comfortable as possible in being truthful.
Your point is well taken in that it is something in him, perhaps a fear of what I might do if I know what is really going on. No matter what his reasons though, the lies make me feel like a fool living in a card house.
My H appears to be trying, however, I now have to wonder if it is just an act to keep me off the scent. Here lies the dirty reality of breaking the bond of trust, repeatedly. I can't heal and in reality, neither can he.
I believe that you are right about the need for me to be in touch with my anger. It's a larger dose than I am comfortable with, but ultimately it is healthier to let it surface than to ignore it. As you already know, I'm a big believer in letting one's emotions have the time and energy of expression. Excluding violence and self-defeating behaviors of course.
I don't think there will be a quick fix for this particular problem, I will just have to take it one day at a time (as Kelli has suggested) and hopefully someday my health will rebound enough so that everything isn't so overwhelming.
