IMHO, you and your H, if not already, should tell D4 about the situation in a way she understands, without blaming either party. Now I don't have the script for this, but I am sure there is one somewhere. My friend was very bitter that her H was telling the kids things like "we are getting a divorce, one of you will go to mommy, one to daddy", "mommy wanted a divorce." and other lies which were not true. The kids were affected quite badly (they are older kids) and their behavior showed.
This is just my opinion. I probably would not broadcast the news to everyone. But I would be "if anyone ask, I would tell". There is no need to cover up anymore. Again, in my opinion, i would not badmouth him, just present the fact that a divorce is pending, and H is living somewhere else. I found that women who can stand up and not bixxh about the other partner comes out ahead and get lots more respect. It will be a good test to know who thinks of you fondly and who just think you are the "bad" person. But again, does it matter? You know that you have become a stronger and more caring person already.
