hell yeah, beth. h totally wants me to do the dirty work. I told him lets go, lets get this wrapped up, but told him he has to make the appt with the mediator. which includes finding one...I put out feelers and let him know I did, but haven't had a recommendation yet. my work is done as far as I'm concerned. if I don't like who he picks eventually, I will say so and get more involved, but he needs to get the ball rolling. this is his ballgame at this point.
I think he has a hard time shutting down any option. not so sure I am an option anymore. I was willing to be for a long time. and when he started sounding like he was coming out of his fog in january and started really apologizing and accepting some responsibility I started to have some hope again. but after out last conversation where he told me point blank that was just a bad moment (guessing fight with ow) and that he is choosing ow because she is a guarantee, well, that's that. I am done. I see the future and the big D is it.
I was telling lwb the other day that divorce feels a lot like physical therapy to me. its not something I ever wanted, and it seems to impossible, such a high mountain to climb. but every day I need to do a little bit toward that end...and the more I do, the stronger I will get. so I keep plodding away, keep doing the reps and trying new moves and will get there eventually. but damn if h doesn't keep adding more weight, throwing curves at me.
he probably doesn't even remember the comment or the e-mail, but as much as I recognize it all for what it is, there is still a bit of a wake that I have to contend with...that I have to fight thru.
but yeah, I am good overall. thanks bethie.
coming to boston anytime soon?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
