A, Your h is one screwed up dude. What a conversation! Of course, the mow is most likely not going to leave her family. Why should she? She's got the best of both worlds and she knows that your h isn't working up to his full potential. She's stringing him along and using him when she's most likely bored. The poor guy--thinks he's gotten something there and it isn't.
As for his children....well....I honestly don't feel sorry for him. He's the one that had a choice, i.e., either stay at home and work on his issues or leave and play disney dad whenever he felt like it. His children are growing up each and every day and that's something he won't ever be able to say he enjoyed being a participant in.
Now about the house, you are very smart. The housing market isn't very good right now and why should you and your children up root and move just because he's lacking initiative and responsibility at the moment to help you with the payment? I most certainly wouldn't be in too big of a hurry to put the house on the market. Your children need stability and right now, school and the neighborhood are that. You need to know that you can come home and not worry about neighbors all around you banging on the walls, being loud and lord knows where you would go and find a home as nice as what you currently have. No, I would sit this one out for as long as I could.
A, I don't you don't like to do it, but you've got to remain dim and not be so readily available to him. He's got to find a way to hit bottom and the only way to do that is pull the life raft back to shore and allow him to swim in.
Time to really focus on you and your children and let this man/child figure things out.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
