A Ray of Hope - I hope

[sage]

ah, Jeannine -- I'm so sorry to hear of the dip in the 'coaster

Found out that H broke his promise to stop lying and also about ending all contact with OW outside of work. He continues to cling to her and she to him.

Also had another episode with H and gun and wanting to end his own life.

Is your h unable to see how ill he is right now? I don't mean that judgementally -- more out of worry and concern. 2 (more?) threatened suicide attempts? This is out of hand. I hope that you are safe.

On the brighter side of things, H still appears to want the two of us to go to Costa Rica for a week in early 2004. He has also brought up other ideas that include us both.

This would normally bring me some relief, but in light of all the recent deceitfulness, it's difficult for me to trust his intent.

Him planning for your future sounds wonderful...let him. As for his intent? let it be.

I'm feeling pretty wiped out right now, worn thin by all the disappointment and shiftiness of my home life. I feel like I've been running in a marathon (we all know that feeling) and every time I try to take a step forward, I get whacked in the knees. It's getting harder and harder to get back up.

Here's what I'm wondering -- what if you just stopped trying? Really. Dropped the rope, they say. Spent all of your extra energy (after ALL of the commitments that you have... ) focusing on you -- getting you mentally and physically healthy, shoring you up, whatever it takes. Let him take care of YOU.

Wish I could be more positive right now, and yes, I know that there has been some progress.
However, I feel my momentum is grinding low and I'm afraid that unless I gradually start to draw some lines in the sand, this will go on indefinately. OW is with him everyday, all day long at work, and he has admitted to still being infatuated with her. And just as Michelle and other's have said, "If you are dedicated to saving your marriage, you need to stop the affair--cold turkey."

well...michele talks about being able to DB while the op is still around....is it possible for you h. to switch jobs? (can't remember if he owns the business...) Why can't he fire her????

I'm angry and I'm venting.
Please forgive my attitude.

Of course you are!!! And, please don't apologize for your attitude! I'm sorry all of this is going on...but you have nothing to say sorry for.

Please, vent away, take care of you, stay healthy...

Sage